Write Off: Rabbit
by Kitten Courna (Member) - published: July 13, 2003
Word Count: 250 Word Bytes: 1485 Viewed: 1768 times
Category - The Write Off
© Copyright by Kitten Courna

8.75

(16 votes)

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Rabbit, Rabbit, in the moon,
do you see me as I see you?
When all the candles have burnt out
and all the people here about
have tak'n to bed in shroud of night
there is one room still filled with light
and that is mine, oh, Rabbit bright.
I sit alone, each night the same,
my face resting on window pane
for in darkness so I dream
and upon my waking scream
every time I rest my head
the dreams of shadows, darkness, dread
leave me awake, as I have said.
Rabbit Rabbit in the moon,
you comfort me, do I help you?
You face darkness every night
trapped up in that ball of light
and never do you seem to fear
the inky black that you dwell near
even now the shadows creep
and into my bedroom seep
I shut my eyes and turn away,
but you glow and steadfast stay
So tell me, Rabbit, burning bright
shall I move the glass tonight,
unfetter windows I have locked tight?
I will, I push upon the frame
so no more will shadows game
and toy with me when it is dark
and make me wake before the lark.
Oh, Rabbit, Rabbit in the moon,
you see me as I see you
the night breeze through the window comes
and all my fears are faced and calm’d
So now my dreams and sleep are whole
for you have taught me to be bold
and open’d the windows of my soul.

------
For I'm a rover
Seldom sober
I'm a rover of high degree.
An' when I'm drinkin'
I'm always thinkin'
of how to gain my Love's company
-I'm a Rover, via Great Big Sea

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Comments

The following comments are for "Write Off: Rabbit"
by Kitten Courna

rabbit
Okay. I'll admit it - that whole "rabbit in the moon" thing is just totally nuts. But also totally inspired. I'm going to have to go off and think about; try and it work out.
For me, this is the best poem in this write off. Score a well deserved 9/10.

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: July 14, 2003 )

Nice image
I liked this one due to the fact that you kept the image of an open window from start to finish without saying 'open window' very nicely done. Not first place in my book but close, I could even see this as a piece for children what with the rabbit and moon and all. Nice I don't think this is an image or piece I could have ever thought up.

~Jessica

( Posted by: Jessicanm [Member] On: July 14, 2003 )

rabbit
Beautiful! Somthing I would read to a child before sleep. There is a wonderful innocence to this poem that leaves you smiling at its conclusion. For My part the best of the contest.

Warmest Regards,
Bob

( Posted by: rcallaci [Moderator] On: July 14, 2003 )

rabbits in the moon...
I like this poem, its weird and imaginative, and it reminds me a little of the kind of stuff I like to write. Very beautiful imagery, good luck in the contest!

( Posted by: lemon [Member] On: July 14, 2003 )

nightlight
Wicked! This is the kind of verse that everyone should study -- the meter is nearly flawless; the rhyming is sublime. I really, REALLY enjoyed this poem. My nightlight was a plain, uncovered bulb. I used to stare at it until my eyes got sore.

Thanks, KC!

( Posted by: Rogan [Member] On: July 14, 2003 )

rabbit
I like yours best. It's charming and inventive. Good show!

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: July 14, 2003 )

aww
Spudley: I would suggest a full moon night, and a few sessions in the dark.

I'm glad you've all enjoyed it. For Spudley's sake I won't talk about where I got the image just yet, I'll bet he can find it if he looks. I guess I've got a lot of children's poetry in me...how strange. I'm thankful for all your comments!

-Kitten

Roganize: I'm glad you liked it...honestly, I used to stare at the fire detector in my room, because it was a tiny red light. Once, when at home alone, I convinced myself the tiny light on our phone was a cougar's eye, and scared the ever loving poop from myself.

( Posted by: Kitten Courna [Member] On: July 14, 2003 )

bunnies!
for some unknown reason, when i read this poem i kept thinking of william blake's writings. the meter is constant and firm. the imagery is unique. there's something slightly sinister in the poem, which i also like. excellent work.

( Posted by: nightshade [Member] On: July 14, 2003 )

rabbit
I thought of Blake too. And I knew why. Tiger Tiger
burning bright ... very similar but this is a poem in it's own right. I didn't fault the author at all. It's still original.

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: July 14, 2003 )

Rabbits ITM
Very nice and playful, I agree that it would be great to read to a child.
I love the imagination you have.

( Posted by: lovesessence [Member] On: July 14, 2003 )

incantation
All I can say is that I love this poem. It's got this eerie feeling, like a summoning of protective forces, or like a little incantation, that made me feel something strange, but slightly familliar. Well done, Kitten!

( Posted by: Dew Of Blood [Member] On: July 15, 2003 )

Ace
K.C.

Awesome job. As Rogan says your rhyme scheme is almost perfect and the imagery used is both original and subtle in it's delivery, while retaining a sort of familiarity that instantly puts the reader at ease. Top honors go to you if my vote counts for anything.

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: July 15, 2003 )

Well done
You are actually very good, aren't you, Kitten...very good indeed. Bless your creative cortex...
Thank you.

( Posted by: Delgesu [Member] On: July 17, 2003 )

Well Done
Kitten;
I loved this piece of work. Keep it
up

God Bless You
Jeannie45

( Posted by: JEANNIE45 [Member] On: July 19, 2003 )

Five stars.
Powerful, faerie-tale-like in a classic sense, as written for people in general as a kind of romantic folklore and not for kids.

Sublime.

( Posted by: the alienist [Member] On: July 22, 2003 )

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