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Those inflicted "Night People" such as myself have very little comfort in the dead hours of the morning. Two A.M.,three A.M.,four A.M., no one is awake to talk to and most of the time you just sit there thinking about all the things you've done wrong. It seems I spend a good portion of my waking hours online. Talking to complete strangers and just posting anguish on this lovely website. when I do sleep my pillow is my security. I cuddle up to it like it was a boyfriend and then all my tension drifts away. The sunlight makes me sick, dizziness and what not. Could I be a vampire?

I think a lot about the people who matter to me in my life. It shames me to say that none of them really care. It's a constant circle that just keeps rotating. A few pauses here and there when things start going well. Yet, like a car accident things get mangled and forever changed, leaving me alone in my despair again. I always think about what went wrong. Most of the time it's petty shit like circumstances and personal growth. It never seems to happen on my part. They say loss is an enevitable part of growing up. Losing what you can't afford to lose is like dying in an alley. There is no dignity to be found in it. Can a truly sensitive person survive in today's society?

I sleep till anywhere between 2-5 in the afternoon. Constant ring's resonating from the phone wake me up. I barely answer anymore because it's rarely for me. I got a call this morning from someone I know in new hampshire. He called me from jail. More bad news. He's facing up to 17 years. that makes two friends I write to in jail. Such madness. I can't remember the last time I got a good night sleep, or a good morning's sleep for that matter.

Life goes on, unfrotunantly, at a to rapid of a pace for me to get with it. All I expect from myself now is to do the best I can. Stay out of trouble and concentrate on the good in my life that I will most likely eventually lose. One door shuts another one opens, and that is some insight on a tortured mind.


~~Bleed~~




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The following comments are for "Hidden Chambers: Inside a tormented mind"
by Bleed

that's so sad
that's really sad that you live like that. i'm not a doctor or anything, but it sounds like you're going through depression or something... i don't really know though. all i can say is that i hope things get better for you.

( Posted by: polkadot* [Member] On: August 25, 2001 )

Introspective
Bleed,

I am an insomniac and can totally sympathize with the no one but me is alive feeling. For me when it is the wee hours of the morning I feel disassociated with myself like I am just floating along with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company. Anyways, that was very sad...and I do realize I got around to reading this kind of late, but I also hope things got better for you.

Later,
Dras

( Posted by: Drastine [Member] On: November 25, 2002 )

Life is always changing
Well, I am happy to report that I don't have to deal with that so much anymore, oddly enough, I work a third shift job. So now I'm around people when I'm naturally awake, though my days off are a little boring at night. I still have my hard times, but as time goes on I learn better ways to cope with it. Though I still end up losing everything good in my life,I've learned to enjoy it while it's mine and take the time to grieve then move on. I'm doing much better, thank you for your concern. :)


~Bleed~

( Posted by: Bleed [Member] On: November 26, 2002 )

So true
Glade to hear that you're doing better, i was exactly like that not long ago, save for the fact that only one friend was in jail and i didn't get to wrtie to him, it was actualy when i found this site that things started getting better, to find a place where people are actualy real, writing their feelings for others like them to see, or just sharing their world with people who will judge only to help. it's to great.
Keep up the good work
Rince

( Posted by: rincewind [Member] On: June 8, 2004 )





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