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i don't know who you are
or even your name
but i look for you
in every face
i meet
my heart pounds
when i see you,
in my sleep....
that world we share
i know without dout
you and i ,are real
at times i wait....
sure as i be
you,you will one day suddenly
recognize me
grab my hand ...squeeze
squeeze your fingers in my palm,
to my shock....
you jump into my arms
to find passion,love,magnatizim....trueth
somethings are.....just are,
like God
like Heaven
like you and i
my love,heat,desires
for you ,only you
my heart beats your name in whispers
on the wind
no other pleases fire
flames,wet sweat heat
YOU,you only you
can apease my devil/angel
inside you

ray yorba

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The following comments are for "work in progress"
by mrray

Work in Progress
You've got a good start here. I think with a little work this could be really good. I suggest you read this out loud to yourself to help find a rhythm that flows with your words. As you read it out loud, I think you'll get a better feel for how you want this piece to flow.

In the next to last line I think you meant angel as opposed to angle.

Over all, not a bad start. Thanks for sharing with us.

As always, please take my comments in the spirit they are intended, just the friendly observations of one wordslinger to another. Feel free to ignore it all. It's your poem, and you should write how you want! ;)

Much Love,


( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: January 7, 2013 )

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