Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

Her dress moved more wildly than a poppy field in the wind
I remember waking up feeling intoxicated by the smell of her hair
Her gentle touch on my shoulder was more than chemistry
We almost broke through each others skin at times when we hugged

She was a red poppy flower blown away by the wind
Red flower! Exploding! Red flower!
Exploding like laughter and screams of madness

I feel like my right rib was extracted from my fatigued body
Her white skin smelled like poppy tears and fragrant golden honey
Some days we made love on hillsides and wide open fields
Her screams were my life and we were two parts of the same body

She was bright red petals screaming in the furious wind
My own blood! Exploding! My own blood!
Exploding like a red poppy field ravished by her storm

Related Items


The following comments are for "Poppy flower"
by Paradox

past or present
I like this! The feelings expressed are intense, but I wondered if it wouldn't work even better in the present tense as a strong love poem rather than hinting at this being a lost love poem. My only other suggestion is to consider changing the word screams to squeals or something that conveys more joy. (I liked " bright red petals screaming in the furious wind," though)

( Posted by: Poeteye [Member] On: September 16, 2012 )

Thanks for the comment James. I think the word screams is perfect as it is. That stanza is about our relationship and then breakup. It was all laughter all the way but then it suddenly turned into screams of madness in one mad day. That's what the poem is about and that's why I can't change it into a present tense. I had the perfect relationship with this woman for years and then it was all gone in a few hours like blown away by the wind...

( Posted by: Paradox [Member] On: September 17, 2012 )

if this poem were filled
with anymore wonderful metaphors, it would explode. i'm happy to have stumbled across it this morning.

( Posted by: johnjohndoe [Member] On: September 22, 2012 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.