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A flower breaks out afresh from its swollen,
green bud and then stretches outward into
the sun-drenched sky.

An image from nature that's timeless
and perennial, it faithfully blooms and
adorns its surroundings like its predecessors.

Never alone, it is joined by its floral neighbors
of its own kind in fragrant numbers, suffusing
the atmosphere all around with a heavy, yet
sweet stench of lavender and honeysuckle.

The thick odor seduces and encourages the
flower-borne bees, hornets, and yellow-
jackets nearby into a steady rhythm and pulse
of continuous labor over the pollen-rich
blossoms and perfumed, colorfully-tinted
petals. From an adjacent pond the over-
abundant and unsubtle beauty of the
lily-of-the-valleys add their distinctiveness
to the already rich and lush floral landscape,
now teeming with the life and vigor of
spring in full bloom.





------
"Good verse, like art, is difficult."

--ngoc m. nguyen, aka "poembender"




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The following comments are for "An Image from Nature"
by Apple

apple's nature
Less "Blue Planet" with Attenborough narrating,this one, and with a stamen's worth more poesy.

How to morph the observed into the evoked:

Flower, dehisced from bud,
stretches upward into sun-drenched sky.

Etc.

You get it. Pare down the telling, rotate the foci of showing. Using half the words. Making each word earn its "performance" importance.

I never go anywhere but my daughter raves about the lavender fields in Provence. She doesn't "do" poetry, though.

You: make me imagine this nature!

Again, thank you!

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: July 20, 2012 )

re: apple's nature
Your welcome, Lucie--anything to earn your pithy and intelligent criticism.

( Posted by: Apple [Member] On: July 20, 2012 )

Bah, apple!
Everything posted is a gift from a member to a commenter, and that's why I give my gratitude to people for posting.

The dynamics of this poem work in its favour in that stanza after stanza unfurls more and more "performance".

Your goal is to get your reader to be swept up into this performance.

I'm not a magus-type sage, apple. Just another commenter who may have written too much poetry!

Thanks for not unposting my comments.

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: July 20, 2012 )





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