For those who know my post, this has been a long time since i posted. This is unedited but wanted to share and put it out there. Thanks.
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Condemning of a Soul
Crinkling, cracking, pauses of grinding saws, spray paint bead rattling on the bottom of this aerosol can, hospital visits, nurses, doctors and peoples opinion and comments. Trying to clear my mind from these noises, souls come and go from your life like a carnival goldfish bought in a plastic bag with a twist tie from a toothless battered and hard ridden carny. Fading out at the end where the credits should fade, removing to where only the writer is listed, this is where the credits of today exist but will there be a day to have a cast or even a screenplay? Sometimes you wonder if the noises were a certain role in a lie. Eternity of shaking off dirt, bandages and lost relationships to keep the mind in this reality. Some people are not meant to survive in layers of swine mud and feces, please tell me what concerns the fouls pecking in a smell ridden coup. So we continue applying and meeting, shaking hands and writing our numbers, goals from aspirations when in truth the only importance is pay, amount of bullshit and least involvement.
One should give applications to employers to fill out about the companies credentials to swing the great control of favor in the employees favor. As an employee the greatest disappointment and will to not deal with Swine is finding out that your bosses and company are liars, thieves and self involved zombies to society. You try to please and you give your skills, ethics, complete passion and energy to life in creating a successful position that in hopes one day your employer will appreciate and accept your efforts. Sometime after your soul has been burdened with chains, alarms, meetings and dismal sparks of creativity is when you get let go or “fired” after they acquired what they wanted. To avoid this disappointment you must be already a zombie to society, unaware uncultured citizen or a closed minded mongol who lives for materialistic reasons that will do and say anything and lose all dignity for life to keep that designer car, suit or social status.
Then we come to being aware, aware of this viscous cycle of money, class and human dilemma. The existentialist alertness to everyday struggles only to one day die a slow and agonizing death in a one bedroom grey bricked apartment building dying from cancer to where no help or assistance is available without the green backs. You refuse any handouts to hold on to the last thread of dignity of your soul. You accept death and wait to die staring at a small clock on the wall, some days you have decent nights of moderate pain to hours of severe pain. Thoughts of cremation and how not to bother family with details, who is going to get your possessions after you are dust. Thoughts of not being able to eat meals you once enjoyed, hours pondering the existence of an imaginary god and why you need to make right with him. Laying hours and hours in solitude hoping that this night is going to be that last, hoping that the great event will happen painless. Is this the last day i will be pissing in a plastic container, throwing up in a black trash can, struggling to eat, faking my fear to friends and family, holding onto dignity like its a title of greatness.
This is the Condemning of a Soul you see readers. Some souls are meant to be free and full of space with the support to be creatively free from social and society norms. Humans are born without the choice to choose specific lives meant for our souls. You learn this aspect later in life, sometimes too late and sometimes early. Then there is the Trapped Soul that struggles to lead a life meant for its soul only to be unhappy and miserable until the opportunity to give the soul what it desires. These humans are in abundance and mainstream is working to control them, file them, chain and fill there vessels with reality TV, numbing with drugs and alcohol.
Our generation is in the greatest revolution and struggle to freeing the soul and mind that have ever existed.