I began smoking when I was 19. It would have been earlier but my first husband [who smoked] made sure I didn't begin. I suppose he was just looking out for me but I hadn't gotten out of my rebellion stage and it was during a time when smoking was considered cool in a slightly sinister sort of way. Who doesn't want to look dangerous? I can say that I didn't begin the moment we split up. It took a few months. I hung onto my habit through the lean years of being a marginally employed single mom. I can recall one boyfriend who always bought me tailor-made when we were together in a public place. He said he didn't want the world thinking he was too cheap to buy his woman cigarettes. When he wasn't taking me places it was perfectly okay that I roll my own using the tobacco I'd bought.
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I can remember when I was flat broke in Edmonton and my young son brought home half of a twenty dollar bill which we took to the bank to trade in. I bought milk, writing paper, a pack of smokes, and the rest my son got as a reward for being considerate of home finances. My son never lectured me on the evils of smoking because he knew full well he wasn't in the driver's seat when it came to making decisions. I'd clued him in about that reality when he was three and had begun to figure he was in charge to the point he was fretting constantly. Anyone out there who wants to be a buddy to your child, stop and consider just how much you are putting them in a state of high anxiety while undermining your own authority. A recipe for disaster and many therapy sessions later in life for both you and your offspring.
Okay! Today, July 11th, 2012 is the 9th month of no smoking. There have been NO lapses either! Cravings can only be described as occasional niggles that need contemplation before being identified.
This made my most recent game of airport hop-scotch across Canada so much more tolerable because I didn't have to exit the secured area to go have a smoke or four during layovers. Traveling is so much more agreeable now and I loved it to begin with.
My only concern is about the next time I go river fishing because those were the moments I enjoyed a smoke the most. Sitting by a river on a clear day pretending I was seriously occupied with fundamentals while dabbling my bare feet in crisp clean cold water.
"Tigers bloom where there's oodles of room." Zodiac Zoo