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This is how it shall always end
My purpose has been fulfilled
And they move on
I shall be nothing more than the stepping stool
To help everyone reach their higher place
Yet I remain here
Alone until the next wondering soul finds me
Perhaps this one will help me up
But probably not



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The following comments are for "A Higher Place"
by Kayame

down and out?
it is kind of a downer poem, and for my taste a little too much in the self pitty realm. However, the message is clear: people will use each other as much as possible -- kind of the opposite of friendship.

when you write "wondering soul" do you mean "wandering soul"? The words are close in spelling but mean different (mental wondering versus physical wandering)

Another little nit: I recommend try rewriting without the passive voice elements, such as "has been" and "shall be". I will shorten the scenery which sometimes increases the impact of those lines.

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: June 25, 2012 )

Ashes to Ashes





As nature goes you are quite accurate.

Everything has a purpose and a job to do in order to maintain a system that no one can come up with (in my mind) a logical reason..... that is in other than survival.

Maybe just a bigger smile is needed while you are completing the task?

Eric

( Posted by: Fairplay [Member] On: June 25, 2012 )

Your mission in life!
Kayme...in my mind, you are already "UP".

You have indeed fulfilled your mission...which is helping people fulfill theirs. Not many of us can say that...some strive all their lives and NEVER completely fulfill theirs!

So keep on doing what the Lord has in mind for you...and know you have had a successful life!



( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: June 27, 2012 )





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