A spade is a spade
by windchime (Member) - published: June 22, 2012
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Category - Opinions
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Making the Yahoo news was an item about women who marry themselves.

Self-marriage as a proclamation of commitment to making oneself happy.

Following, or not, a divorce. Preceding, or not, an actual marriage to an actual spouse.

“In front of friends and family.”

It didn’t say anything about making solemn vows before someone authorized to perform marriages. Which means all it is, is a narcissistic woman, or a hundred thousand narcissists (there were no men marrying themselves in this story) making a narcissistic spectacle of herself/themselves in front of onlookers.

All it is, is yet another display of “I’m all that and you’re not”. It says “I don’t need anybody to make me happy”. Yeah, but sweetie, it also says that you don’t need to make anyone happy either…

No consequences whatsoever. Nothing for the Census Bureau to worry about. Nothing for the taxman to raise an eyebrow at. Certainly nothing for the Insurance companies to clear their throats for.

I’m thinking a self-married person would absolutely have to have a last will and testament. Otherwise, the estate goes to the surviving spouse. Which means that the house would have to be imploded, and the car scrapped and the remains buried with.

Yes, narcissism is this far-reaching, alas. How much more self-loving can one get than marrying oneself?

Why is it, though, that one of these women married herself, then married her boyfriend after? Is it that she cheated on herself? I have to say that if I were the BF, I would wonder about that…Every time he jumps her, she’s cheating on herself. Wow! I’m guessing this guy finds it to be a turn-on doing a girl who cheats on herself…She did say she’s not divorcing herself…So, wait a second, do her sex toys get to be called by her last name?

Sheesh!

And to be marrying oneself in front of family and friends is the ultimate in loneliness.

Buy a parrot! Or any pet of your choice. Oy!

I am so, so ashamed of my gender for doing this and being proud of it.

------
Of all known institutions, I attend only two: church, in my heart, and school, in yours. Both are subject to demolition. - Lucie Adams, 2007
It is only for poetry to know how many stanzas fit into one caress. - Lucie Adams, 2008

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Comments

The following comments are for "A spade is a spade"
by windchime

Self Love
I have 3 married sisters who would've all been better off marrying themselves.

( Posted by: kmrdgrs326 [Member] On: June 22, 2012 )

reply to Keith
Sorry about your 3 sisters.

So, why is it that this story only tells about women marrying themselves?

Why don't guys marry themselves?

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: June 22, 2012 )

lady love
I always find it amusing how offended you are by things like this. I constantly read articles about people doing seemingly stupid things and that's all it amounts to, silliness. I don't get offended by what others do but that doesn't really mean much, perhaps just that I am a bit too disconnected from the world or that, on some level, I think I am above it all (but in a non self-absorbed way).

I didn't read the article you mention but I am assuming it's supposed to be some kind of statement on feminism; how women consider themselves to be complete beings with no need of a man in their lives. We all know that's not true. Or at least I don't believe it to be true. Even lesbians need a good mechanic now and then. And, yes, women can be mechanics but men are still the majority in that field.

In response to why men don't do these things, I am thinking that perhaps some think we are the more liberated of the two genders. That we can provide for ourselves where women would fall apart at the first sign of blood. But I really think it's our inner child, demanding and afraid of the dark, who couldn't deal with self-love.

Me, I like living alone but not enough to embarrass my family by marrying myself.

( Posted by: toscano [Member] On: June 22, 2012 )

Francisco
According to the article, it's a "mini-trend", with women in a couple of European countries and China being referred to.

They undefine marriage.

By definition, marriage unites two people.

These women are each one person.

They are marrying their ego.

How ridiculous is that, Francisco? Ridiculous enough that no political body anywhere is going to legislate to make "marrying oneself" an official deed. And if this ever does happen, then the whole world has truly gone crazy.

Marriage is an institution. I say go ahead and do whatever it is you want to do to proclaim your happiness with yourself and have this happiness acclaimed by others, but really, call it something else besides marriage.

I find it insulting that they call this thing they do "marriage".

It devalues both marriage itself, and it mocks those of us who are actually married.

Too lazy, they are, to find a new name for a new thing they're doing.

They don't like the word "single", they don't like the word "divorced", but the word "married" appeals to them enough to want to use it.

And then, they take it in vain.

They clown with putting rings on their own fingers. They stand amid the applause of others.

Rings for what? Applause for what? Being a smartass?

Call it SOMETHING ELSE! You have not pronounced solemn vows, or altered your civil status.

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: June 23, 2012 )

By definition, marriage unites two people.

There is nothing to claim off the government if you marry yourself. nb, Not that I currently claim anything money-wise for being married as far as I am aware. There used to be a married persons tax allowance in the UK at one time.

Being married also ( I have wrote this elsewhere here) gave you certain rights in the British Army....ie you were allowed to live out of barracks.

Normally there is a surcharge for a single room if you go on holiday. There again you could take a friend

Then some people who loose a partner (by death or otherwise) stay married albeit in their head, to a memory. In UK divorce is treated as though the other partner has died to sort of finalize proceedings.

I always think of a saying one overpaid guy made... which went something like. I am just going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house....... I suppose he was indicating marriage could be an expensive mistake.

My only concern about what other people do is if it adversely effects my own situation.... ie am I going to catch some dreadful bug or virus.... are they going to turn my residential area into a bad place to live. Being married to yourself doesn't seem to ring any alarm bells in that respect.

My own understanding of any sexual relationship forgetting man made vows etc etc etc is purely for reproduction of the species. Over and above that anything else is purely self satisfaction and apart from the likes of the Sandusky's (and others that force there will or willies) in this world I expect it's none of our business

( Posted by: Fairplay [Member] On: June 23, 2012 )

Eric
Thanks for stopping by to discuss this. I was thinking that if someone is self-married, they can file a joint income tax return on behalf of self and self, thus saving on the tax grab, but maybe not...

The self-married could go double occupancy, as self and self.

It's not harmful, being self-married, but I find it a travesty of the usage of language. What they do when they marry themselves should be called something else besides "marriage".

But you're right about marriage unites two people: that's not a fair definition. Because there are expressions, such as "the nun is married to the Church", which have been used for a long time.

So, even if it's not two "people", it's two "something".

How about "committed to making my own self happy"? Later on, maybe find a word to identify this process. But I'm saying don't go grabbing the word "marriage" and using that as if it were okay with everybody.

It's not okay with me.

What they do is none of my business after they self-marry. I agree with you on that. But how they use the word "married", and how they mimic the marriage ceremony, I find objectionable.

Any ideas on how to define and carry out the union of self with self?

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: June 23, 2012 )

I can do it alone

I can do it alone in my house full of mirrors
see bit's I lost sight of before
Down on the ground with a little contortion
I can play with myself all the more
Of course I needs plastic and plenty of lube
from shops that hide behind blinds
Inflatable dolls and electric is cheating
although I doubt if anyone minds

Off the cuff / cuff it

I will admit I am heterosexual and can see most of my own bits without having to use a mirror,,, my own backside doesn't interest me much and in the past (being a soldier) learned to keep my back to the wall.

From a very young age I had an allergy (probably still do) to certain plastic toys and some oil based paints....They gave me headaches... My granny also taught me never to put anything smaller than my elbow in my ear....

( Posted by: Fairplay [Member] On: June 23, 2012 )

doing it alone
Married to herself, she's doing herself anyway, but why marriage when you can live together with yourself?

Fun verse you did on this!

Nobody minds. Nobody.

When I tire of mirrors maybe I'll scoot
on up to the roof and do something insane
with the rooster-shaped weathervane
and only the owl will be giving a hoot!

Whatever floats the self-married boat...

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: June 24, 2012 )

Birds who would have-em

Weather vane could be a pain
If she is looking for a cock
Up on the roof is quite aloof
folk could look up her frock
A parakeet is not discreet
just listen to their cries !
The guys around her feet
would know she's telling lies
If only the best will do
she can forget the rest
Cohabit the very best
and take in a cockatoo

( Posted by: Fairplay [Member] On: June 24, 2012 )

Not Sexist

One for the Jocks in Frocks

Weather vane is just a pain
while he’s looking for a cock
Up on the roof he's quite aloof
men can just look up his frock
The parakeet are not discreet
harken their excited cries !
The girls around his street
would guess he's telling lies
He could forget the rest
If cock-o-the-farm is blue
Cohabit with the best
and take in a cockatoo

( Posted by: Fairplay [Member] On: June 24, 2012 )

Okay, Eric, you're on
Discussing this in a verse thread works for me too and, indeed, if women can self-marry, then men can too!

He's a bride in his rainbow-coloured skirt:
married to himself and still such a flirt!
He climbed up on the roof wearing high heels,
brought mirrors, weathervane, even...squeals!

Twice-divorced from himself, this vow's his third
He's cocksure...and the Brits call him a bird
while Americans think he's such a cute chick
but we know his ex-self was such a (d)ick(...)

So now that he's promised once more to be true,
he's making eyes at some blue cockatoo!

You know, this rhyming works well for driving home, for me, how sublimely ridiculous this self-marriage thing is.

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: June 25, 2012 )

You Win

Sticking up for your convictions

Though it is very easy to knock the Jock Frock and other embellishments I am not entirely at ease taking a stand against other folks upbringings. They can of course equally poke fun at my own choices in life.

Not that I am backing down, as such my own red Lines restrict me from crossing into areas I know very little about. It is not fair for me denouncing everything that doesn't fit in my box.

Yesterday walking my dog in the park an old woman was being escorted round the park by an attractive well dressed ??? in a tight arse clinging skirt (obviously dressed for attention) I knew it was a bloke and would definitely not give him the pleasure of attracting my attention, instead concentrating on my dog taking a poo.

So there you have it I would rather look at a dog taking a shit.

The guy was doing nothing wrong if he liked to dress that way..... and he was helping an old lady round the park...... Now I am thinking what would have been so difficult in at least being nice and wishing them a good morning.....

( Posted by: Fairplay [Member] On: June 25, 2012 )

once again
it's not about what they do, straight women, gay cross-dressing men, transsexuals, asexuals, whomever...

it's about them using the word "marriage"

and not making up their own word for what they do.

I'd rather watch gay men than dogs defecating.

Provincetown, Cape Cod, is one of my favourite vacation spots.

It's all entertainment.

Not to mention that they're straight-friendly, whether they're poking fun at me or not.

Me neither, I don't denounce what I know little about, Eric.

But I do know something about the word "marriage", having been married, myself, these past, short, 38 years.

So I'm denouncing the inappropriate use of this word.

By anybody.

Thanks for participating in this.

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: June 25, 2012 )

Defacating

Huh my dog definitely wasn't defecating she was just having a poo...I needed to see where as we do have to collect them here in BC...

Now about this meaning of words.... hehe

I obviously know more about marriage than you because I have been married since 1970 and to three different girls that's nearly 42 years with a couple off for good behavior.

In itself marriage means sweet FA.... I could sell you a Racing Car that could be overtaken by a Jalopy if you know what I mean.

The word and all it promises is quite hollow. How many people can claim to be Happily Married? abiding by all the attached rules and regulations. If you cheat at sport (and get caught) you are out and all the titles removed.... Not marriage?

I reckon marriage is just a word misused and abused...like you say even if they claim to marry themselves they might not be monogamous.

Like my cheap Holiday to San Tropes might not even qualify as a "Holiday"

Married shackled lumbered hitched... My mum used to accuse dad of being married to his job haha. The money didn't grow on trees (in our case anyway)so she had to come second.

I have my own way of personalization of a word... Make one up yourself..... Of course someone will eventually misuse or steal it if they think they are missing out or whatever.

My word for "Me" is Seivadle (Fairplay was already in circulation and far too common) Now I find if I type "me" (seivadle) in any search engine people have nicked my stuff used it for their own ends.... How come? I made the word up by writing my name backwards.... now it's all over the www

There must be a cash incentive somewhere ?

( Posted by: Fairplay [Member] On: June 25, 2012 )

I know, Eric
Folks who have been married more than once always think they know more about marriage than those of us who have been, and still are, married to the same spouse.

Maybe you all do, but then maybe not. I think it's debatable. I once worked with a social worker who swore her first marriage was just a practice run. But anyway.

From what I've been able to see around me, there are many married people who are unhappy being married and don't want to be married and get divorced, but then, they're unhappy being alone so they marry again, and so on.

There are many single people who are unhappy being single so they marry. Sometimes they marry somebody new, sometimes they marry their exes, and sometimes they marry themselves. Thing is, after they've married themselves, they're still single, and still unhappy, so.

There are many people in general who, married or not, decide on behalf of everybody around them, who is happily married and who is not, from what they "see".

Example: I don't know you, right? All I know is what I see here. And here, I read a poem you write to your wife, and I read a poem somebody else writes to their wife. I decide, from reading these, that the other guy loves his wife more than you love your wife.

Am I allowed to make such an assumption?

No, I'm not, and so I don't.

But I've met "experts" who make all kinds of assumptions based on what they "see".

The self-married are having a ball, Eric, that's what they'll say; they conveniently forget the "chain" part...They are still chained to being single.

And I still haven't been able to think of a word to identify what it is they do...

And they're not moving into my neighbourhood, so I can't "see" them in their self-married happiness...

I think marriage is what each married couple make of it.

Married couple, not married single, because married single is an oxymoron.

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: June 26, 2012 )

Love

I loved / love all my wives otherwise I would not of married them, regardless of being divorced widowed and still married

I don't have the same sort of love for myself and associate "Self Love" with all sorts of nasty conniptions regarding self entitlement.

However we are not in India the land of pre arranged marriages or in a country where you can have more than one spouse at a time..... then there is Bigamy... so where does self marriage fit in?

Maybe legalize it so you have to get a divorce before you can re-marry...... that would be fun. I wonder if you would need two solicitors to decide who gets what or who was the guilty partner.

Now I am wondering..... If you marry the Church or God who gets the choir boys should you ever divorce.

( Posted by: Fairplay [Member] On: June 26, 2012 )

in your dreams, Eric
doesn't the joke say it takes a thousand lawyers to change a lightbulb?

It would take 10,000 lawyers to divorce somebody from themselves...and to determine which one of the selves, self or self, gets what.

the figurative meaning of "married" would have to be worked out. Married to the job is another one...

As for the choirboys, they've been "got" since before printing was invented, I'm afraid.

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: June 28, 2012 )

last to notice
I'm very late reading this...seems a very touchy subject though. I agree that this self marriage garbage is somewhat narciccistic. But to my basic understanding it also speaks to this over- reaching trend that everyone needs to be validated, accepted, "happy". Of course, one could argue that those "needs" are symtoms of narcissism.

I think I'll marry myself, then have an affair with my wife just to see what myself does about it...

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: June 29, 2012 )

Brian, late
Sorry I didn't reply to your comment until now.

I think people who cannot manage to be accepted by, validated by, or happy with, another person, can and should commit to finding all of that within themselves.

Maybe call it "moi-rage". Not exactly "marriage", but, you get it.

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: July 7, 2012 )

Life's a Game
Self marriage I fear would change all the rules.
and except for exceptions would only suit fools.

But life's just a game and they're all played the same.
So we must choose our partners with care.
If they share your name and you're one and the same.
Then you'll wing it on a hope and a prayer.

So to get your best chance, for this game to enhance
There's one thing you must understand.
When you marry you, there's one thing you must do.
..............Be sure that you've got a good hand!

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: July 18, 2012 )

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