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A spiritual crime has been committed here. Move along, folks, there’s nothing to see…
(or I’m slowly killing myself but never on Sunday)
(15 March 2011)


Silence first.


Surrounded by toothless winds,
a funeral procession stops to witness
the fading outline of a battered prince
and his last desperate act of rebellion.

(fade in)

Angel of Mercy:
Yes, Adoration,
I saw the shadow corpse
stretched out before me,
inches from a chasm
with no bridge,
fingers clawing at
baked earth – where
Gordian roots enslave
the few sterile clouds
foolish enough to touch
solid ground.

Angel of Denial:
There are no more stories to tell,
really –
just temptation now,
impossibly at odds with
the sun above.

Fading prince:
always finds me –
even here,
at these depths of despair…

I tell you this because
knowing these things will reveal
the stitching of my longings as
a sack cloth worn through
moth droppings
collected for my monstrous bride
should the body go missing
come noon.

Angel of Mercy:
(pointing to the corpse)
This far from the sky,
he found new rhythm in
denying he ever was alive.
Shoes untied,
fists to eyes and not
a deity in sight.

Angel of Denial:
My un-metered words billow
In the currents behind him,
almost poetry
almost a song.
And quick behind me, applause…

Fading prince:
See that shapeless indentation
beyond the barricade?
(The wind now howling
baring its yellow teeth)
That is where the devil stretched
his limbs before taking flight.

Both angels:
That is where God betrayed him.


A lifetime of good fortune
was squandered on an irrational
prophet and his lies.

(fate, out)

End credits.

(More applause.)

I will never write like you and I hope you never write like me.

"...the only war that matters is the war against the imagination--all other wars are subsumed in it..." -Diane di Prima

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The following comments are for "A spiritual crime..."
by toscano

Fate, out
Thank you, Lucie. You always make me feel way smarter than I actually am. Only wish I could present it as I want but lit's tools are limited.

( Posted by: toscano [Member] On: May 22, 2012 )

begs for performance
You need to get some friends together to perform this, as it screams to be performed, in the ancient Greek tradition. There are so many great ideas here! Lucie is right: it's the panorama over a chasm. Though I am not too sure who is applauding in the poem,
I know that I am applauding the poem.

( Posted by: Poeteye [Member] On: May 22, 2012 )

almost poetry
Thanks, James.

I do see this being read by several people. But I also know it would have to be longer. You bring up a good point with the applause thing. Will have to explore that.

( Posted by: toscano [Member] On: May 22, 2012 )

Act 1
or a 1 act play, very cinematic writing. I enjoy the sense of .... only thing I can think of is "over the top" but I mean as in I can see actors on a stage reciting this poem.

I like Angel of Mercy and Angel of Denial, very comical -- hoping that you intend humor in parts, or else I've missed it (again).

Just wondering, Angel of Mercy says
"Yes, Adoration,..." Is Adoration the name of the prince?

I like Fading Prince's optimism "Inspiration always finds me" I feel like that sometimes, and other times I feel like there is nothing out there to inspire me at all..

It took me a few reads to digest this, but I think I get it now. I like, thumbs up from me.


( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: May 22, 2012 )

Darn it, forgot title
I keep forgetting to comment on titles, I'm trying to make effort to tie the title in with the poems I comment.

So, this title is probably why I see a lot of humor in the words, and why it seems like performance poetry.

As many really good poets have written in "how to" books, the title can often add a lot of meaning to the poem, as if it is in the body. This title is like that


( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: May 22, 2012 )

And the Oscar goes to:
Wow Francisco...I didn't know that the seeds of a playright were lurking about in your phyche! far as I a different animal altogether and one that I am delighted to meet!
Can we expect more of this...either expanded as suggested...or perhaps a full blown script on another idea entirely?

I for one would gladly pay the admission my friend.


( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: May 23, 2012 )

inches from a chasm
Brian, can't say I meant for Adoration to be the name because I just wrote this free-form, without any thought to what I was actually writing. It wasn't till months later that I decided to format it as posted. Well, almost as posted because lit's formatting tools are limited. Many Chrispian can add a script option.

If I had to give an answer, I would say I meant it as a form of acknowledgement of rituals. But name works now that you've brought it up and I've re-read it.

Bea, I have posted scripts before but I don't think lit was one of the places I've done so. Posted the opening scene of a movie script on a different site because I wanted Shannon to read it - which he did but his comments are gone because he deleted that profile.

I am still mulling over expanding this post but will wait for inspiration to tell me how and when.

Thank you both for taking the time. Much appreciated.

( Posted by: toscano [Member] On: May 26, 2012 )

Brian, I forgot...
The title came to me halfway through writing this poem. Couldn't decide between the two so I went with both. It is somewhat humorous but I didn't sit down and write it with that in mind. Actually, I never sit down to write anything in particular; just let my muses take me where they will.

Thanks again. Happy Memorial Day.

( Posted by: toscano [Member] On: May 28, 2012 )

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