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A wan old man, well past his century,
worn leather wrapped round a twisted stick,
rests on dew-cooled grass beside a silent lake.
His wife of fifty years, decades gone,
lays her face on his chest,
paint-peel thin, chest still, thistle down light.
His will-driven eyes give her dimension,
her breath soon whispers across his throat.
Years vanish, pealed from the sweet core of youth,
but she cannot be, here by this lake.
“You must part, find your peace,
tho it means I will never feel
you again in this life.”
The cloud thins, the whisper goes
and he lies alone in a shallow swale,
less of him than moments ago.

-Al Zeller

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The following comments are for "Six days into forever"
by r1067r

Less and Less
Very nice work,

I think some minor hiccups here and there but a strong theme, nice rhythm and pretty easy reading.

I really like poetry that has a strong sense of movement, as in the passing of time, as well as physical elements that move. This has both, is a very relaxed environment and treats an over-used theme in a new way, makes it fresh.

Nice work


( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: May 13, 2012 )

How charming is this? The recognition that memories of loved ones aren't thwarted by death. People more familiar with death often lose sight of the beauty of the inevitable because their 'duty' is to try and diminish it.

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: May 14, 2012 )

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