Electric shocking fuzz
by michaelpatrick (Member) - published: April 28, 2012
Word Count: 104 Word Bytes: 813 Viewed: 358 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by michaelpatrick

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This twilight
Between highrises
Hides the sights
Smells of rats and lust
Faces full of dust
The old hide their fears
In deep wringled lines
In desgusted graces

Underneath a
Dim street lamp
She kisses a marsh mallow
Wishing she can afford
Prada and Yves Saint Laurent

With a twisted wisper
And a heavy
Stone walled sigh
She prays to hage
For jewlery of
Silver and gold
Please fill my bottle
With orange Mad Dog

Remember me lord
I'm Serenity
Serenity Sinner
Without divinity
No shame here
I lost my claim to fame
When I started
Worshiping you
On night trains
Electric shocking fuzz

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Comments

The following comments are for "Electric shocking fuzz"
by michaelpatrick

required reading
You have no idea how delighted I am to see your poem here this morning. Well .. now you do because I'm taking the time to comment. What almost always enchants me about your writing is your way of expressing your thoughts reveals to me that you are a thinker ... a writer who has their own road to travel. I believe you're also being a bit more careful with your spelling which I always forgive .. because ... you go your own unique way. However, spelling is important for any writer because words are our tools and it's crucial we, like any craftsman, respect our tools. An acquaintance of mine said once .. or maybe twice .. that when a project goes wrong .. a craftsman should never blame their tools. That saying applies here too. We can't blame words for not spelling the way they ought to, they are simply words and we are their conveyance.

blah blah blah .. sorry for the ramble this morning. Your writing .. well .. it's almost always a treat to read you ... thank you for perking up my coffee.

Incidentally ... it's divinity ... not devinity ...

ps .. I checked outta school at 16 but never stopped cherishing words .. even before I knew I was a writer .. spelling was a required element .. computers have made this so much easier than when I'd flip through a dictionary not quite sure I was right and often I wasn't. The problem with spell check is that it doesn't have diversionary tactics like a dictionary does.

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: April 28, 2012 )

Pen
Thank you for your comments it's always a pleasure to hear from you.

( Posted by: michaelpatrick [Member] On: April 28, 2012 )

broken toe
Have you checked out Brian's poem posted here? The ladies here reminded me of the ones there.

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: April 28, 2012 )

The Divinity of a Shocking Fuzz
Congratulations...!
You just rendered the Universe toothsome

( Posted by: awhippingflame [Member] On: April 28, 2012 )

Pen
Brians poem broken toe?His poem,How do I check it out,His username I mean?

( Posted by: michaelpatrick [Member] On: April 29, 2012 )

awhippingflame
Thank you very much for your comment.I try.

( Posted by: michaelpatrick [Member] On: April 29, 2012 )

BWOz
Broken Toe poem

I don't know if you can 'see' the titles of poems posted on the LitOrg marquee so I'll just send you the link to Brian's/BWOz poem.

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: April 29, 2012 )

Clear as Fuzz, Cuzz
I like this piece a lot,Michael. Has a lot going for it. Imagery, to grip with in the first 2 stanzas along with good rhymes.
3rd stanza stood out with Mad Dog/ Fortified I think.
4th stanza to me to slam rap poetry. I wish there had been a little more, but enough is as good as a feast.

Liked your line breaks and enjambment where you chose to use it.

Excellent!

charlie.

( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: April 29, 2012 )

willamhill
Thank you for your comment.

( Posted by: michaelpatrick [Member] On: May 6, 2012 )

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