The verb "to unfriend"
by windchime (Member) - published: April 18, 2012
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Category - Opinions
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When I got my May copy of The Atlantic today, I read the boldest of the titles on the cover: "IS FACEBOOK MAKING US LONELY"? and then accelerated my pace home from the mailbox so I could get down to reading this.

And I read it, and tomorrow morning I will reread it, and tonight, as I submit this opinion piece, I encourage everyone to find and read it.

This article also reports on research that Facebook is making us more narcissistic as well as lonelier. And then, it suggests that Facebook "threatens to alter the very nature of solitude".

This article reminds us that 1 person in every 13 on the planet is on Facebook, and half of these people log on every day.

Makes me so happy to be the retard that I am, away from this oxymoronic "distant intimacy".

I figure if I'm going to "flip", I'm going to flip channels on my TV, not people. The corollary to this being, of course, that I don't want to "be flipped" by anybody, thank you.

Also, I wonder...do Facebook users with 1200 friends see themselves, in retrospect, as "losers" when they only had 300 friends? Do they see others with fewer "friends" as losers?
And why is it that somebody actually killed somebody else, for real, for being "unfriended" on Facebook?

Probably the single most meaningful quote I want to take away from this article is this: "a connection is not the same thing as a bond".

I think that if a virtual substitution for reality is desirable by way of Facebook, then that desirability is founded on the "adapted" premise that "reality is connectivity".

It is not.

Reality is farting in a room where others will smell it.

But then again, I guess some people, one in thirteen to be exact, prefer to (narcissistically) put forth nothing but their sanitized, unscented selves...

------
Of all known institutions, I attend only two: church, in my heart, and school, in yours. Both are subject to demolition. - Lucie Adams, 2007
It is only for poetry to know how many stanzas fit into one caress. - Lucie Adams, 2008

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Comments

The following comments are for "The verb "to unfriend""
by windchime

Reality is farting in a room where others will smell it.
For starters, good to see you her again, my friend. Secondly, I haven't been on Facecrack - as a friend calls it - in about two months. I was one of those people who logged on everyday and then wondered why I cared so much. It is a good way of keeping in touch with friends and family. And it's an even better way to find friends and family that may have fallen by the wayside. Phone numbers change. Names rarely.

I never felt special for having hundreds of friends because I put into context: Most were game friends that I didn't have to interact with. I quickly bored of the games and would delete the people who were just on my list for that reason. However, I did keep a few that I got to know virtually. A couple from Australia and some from the UK. I gave them my e-mail before deactivating my account.

I will look for this article but will probably have more questions than answers regarding the author's reason for writing it. You, on the other hand, my dear Lucie Adams, I have no doubts about.

( Posted by: toscano [Member] On: April 18, 2012 )

Francisco
thanks for opening and reading!

one of the reasons I left here is facebook, how all the members here are on facebook, how the site itself is on facebook, how I'll never be on facebook...your basic incompatibility...

the article makes excellent points, solidly argued: definitely worth a read...

realistically, if I may, the words "loneliness" and "narcissism" sound negative to me...

negative and undesirable...

good to see you, Francisco...

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: April 18, 2012 )

facebook farts
I enjoyed this article because it's so ... YOU. To be validated by a worthy column in a notable magazine must thrill you! I use facebook but don't log on everyday to find out what others are up to. I'm much too self-absorbed for such things. I post photos of my travels - report on my quitting smoking - SIX MONTHS plus! Circulate good news such as Sandra's accomplishment which I found out about because she sent me an e-mail, check up on my grandson who I NEVER would have reconnected with if not for facebook. I gave facebook a chance and I'm still not disenchanted. Did you even give it a chance Lucie?

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: April 19, 2012 )

Pen
Thank you for rating high.

I've looked at comments made online about this article. It seems that people opine that the loneliness can be either greater or lesser. However, as to the narcissism, I haven't yet come upon anything that convincingly disqualifies narcissism on facebook.

One commenter actually said that narcissism is different from the "disorder". Be that as it may, there is still no such thing as "altruistic personality disorder" in the diagnostics.

Read the article, though, it's worthwhile. There is also a suggestion that narcissism is the flip-side of loneliness. Brain-food, this kind of stuff.

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: April 19, 2012 )

question ignored
so .. I'll try again.

Did you even give it a chance Lucie?

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: April 19, 2012 )

on ignorance, Pen
I posted my reply to you after I saw your rating, and before I saw your comment.

My answer: no.

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: April 19, 2012 )

thanks Lucie
I don't depend on Facebook to make new friends but rarely will rebuff a friendship request. What I like is that people who were my comrades can realize I'm not just a Union honcho and my writer friends discover that my circle has variety.

I post photos of my quilts, my tatting, my trips, my new car but it hasn't replaced me sending personal e-mails or real mail letters as well. I rarely post poetry on my facebook page because there's more suitable places to do that.

My sister-in-law uses Facebook to keep tabs on her family which I think is charming.

I happily accept those people who won't give facebook a whirl but wonder why they insist on being ..... oh .. whatever it is that you are doing.

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: April 19, 2012 )

Facebook

Facebook is just a tool only as good as the individual that uses it and modifies/adapts it's resources to fit.

IF only all my friends and family lived next door.... or maybe I should just Flip the ones that don't? Some one coined the phrase absence makes the heart grow fonder (at least until dementia sets in I suppose) distance to me has become an enforced absence that has at least partially been filled by facebook.

However...... facebook is full of drivel and I find it very easy to put everyone on mthe friends list on the "Back Burner" with no notification of posts in my email....Too much information can be worse than not enough and If I want to read anything I can easily and quickly search out what is available.

Think of it as a car...The better you are at driving it the more chance of getting where you want to go....

Anyway upwards and onwards Ipod are now trying to get in on our dreams too by broadcasting pre selected words during sleep periods... still in the trial stages....

Friends will be friends will be friends right till the end (Queen) but some will depart sooner than others.

Eric

( Posted by: Fairplay [Member] On: April 19, 2012 )

asking too much
One, reading the article by Stephen Marche in the May issue of The Atlantic.

Two, looking at online responses to that article.

Three, discussing the concepts of loneliness and narcissism as they relate to facebook.

Why would I even imagine that anybody on this site would engage in such suggestions?

No: commenters on this site are going to defend facebook because it works for them, and explain how it works for them.

Thank you, Eric, for defending and for explaining.

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: April 19, 2012 )

Facing versus Defacing
Hi Lucie!

I use Facebook little for a couple of reasons.

I do keep up with certain family members who post, although I rarely do. There are a few people who actually post good poetry. I read from time to time.

I don't like being put in the position of having to decide to friend or not. Shakespeare said"to be or not to be" We in effect are killing or suiciding people at our whim. I am uncomfortable with that, especially if I know those people in the real world and when I see them leave them to wonder why I don't befriend them in cyber land. Debauchery, I say. I love you all here though I've never met any of you in "real" life. Good post, Lucie.

Friend, charlie.

( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: April 19, 2012 )

thank you, Charlie
...for stopping by and taking time to comment.

I agree that different people experience "friendship" in different ways. All I know is how I experience friendship myself. That's why, for me, friendship and friending are two very different concepts. Facebook users choose both.

I choose only the one friendship.

One of my friends, when she posted her travel photos on facebook, posted her travel photos on facebook. All that means is that I didn't see them. So? So, when this woman had a rather worrisome life-changing experience, whom did she share the news with first? Me. Because I'm her friend in friendship. And our friendship has nothing to do with me not "friending" her on facebook.

For loving us all here, thank you for loving me (because I'm all I can speak for) and I love you back, Charlie!

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: April 20, 2012 )

He who smelled it...
Okay so I read the article. Well written obviously but I've always had a problem with statistics. If you question 1200 people then keep it to those 1200 people. Don't assume the rest of us all fall into those convenient and lazy little groups.

Me, I have always been a loner. Used to walk the train tracks behind babysitter's house when I was five years old. That's when I first realized I could compose poetry because she told me not everyone could do that and it was a gift. Silly, five year old Francisco thought everyone had that ability. Still do, actually.

I also used to wait for my family outside of church. My mom never could get me to listen to her much. Explains a lot, I'm sure. My mom told me I would wander off as soon as I learned to walk. I actually disappeared for half a day once and then just walked back into our little shack of a home after everyone gave up looking and assumed I had washed away in the river.

I closed my FB account because I found it too distracting. I would check in with family and friends and then spend another hour or so blocking all the apps that would show up in my inbox. It was nothing against FB, per se. But what I still don't get is why you, Miss Lucie Adams, have such a problem with lit being on Facebook. You can choose to ignore that side of it. It's not as though FB has taken over this site. You're one of my favorite people here and I miss you when you're gone.

( Posted by: toscano [Member] On: April 20, 2012 )

yes, Francisco, it has.
Facebook has taken over this site, as far as I'm concerned, because, my friend, as far as I'm concerned, reading comments such as "enjoyed here as on FB" is an intrusion which kinda smacks of takeover.

What I have is not a problem; it's merely a scenario where my refusal to be herded causes me to be an outsider.

But then, I'm also an outsider to this site for other reasons.

It's never been easy being me, and this difficulty will endure.

I am honoured that an artist such as yourself appreciates me. Thank you, most sincerely, for that.

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: April 20, 2012 )

LUCY'S BACK!!!!!!!!!
Hi Lucie...just saw your post today...sooooo happy to see you here...Please don't let it be a one timer...we NEED you here to shake things up...we can't just depend on Pen!

As for friendship and facebook...the word has two different meanings. REAL friends write, call, e-mail each other over REAL feelings...not games or superficial chit chat!

Facebook friends are into gossip, games superficial interaction. However...as Franscisco has stated...it's a great tool to find long lost relatives and school friends.

If you look at my page, most of my (and they are few) friends listed are from Lit.org!!!! I don't befriend my grandson, my neices and nephews, my son etc...as I don't want to intrude on their comings and goings...I'm sure they would feel uncomfortale knowing I am looking at their daily activities...it's none of my business!

Lit is the only place where I feel comfortable enough to share my feelings...with people I've known for years and whose REAL friendships I cherish.

Good to see ya back!
Love ya,
Bea

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: April 20, 2012 )

great lines
love your candor Lucie. What really concerns me about facebook is that the founder, can't remember the dweeb's name, actually wants everyone on the planet to lay their lives open on facebook, every little detail of your day.

I too believe it is a selfish life style. I only am on it to keep eyes on who "friends" my daughters. I have demanded that they "unfriend" a few of them because of their demented attitudes.

Great to see you back, and I know I've been out for quiet a while too. Sometimes I have to focus on other things....vomiting dogs and all that.

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: April 20, 2012 )

*sigh*
Quote:

Why would I even imagine that anybody on this site would engage in such suggestions?

One posts what one chooses and one can't depend on replies to be what they desired. Of course now one can delete comments which aren't 'suitable'.

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: April 21, 2012 )

Blame the Jet Engined Planes

Skateboards were the start of the rot once was a day when I would have been Happy with Tuppence from Gran (Maybe even a penny would do) NO-ONE it appears has a life these days... what with 100 quid trainers on their feet and plugged permanently into Ipods with the City Stare on their face...Hero worshiping some foreign football player that is earning more in ten minutes than most people earn in a month.

Where has reality gone when you could of got greasy chips wrapped in Newspaper for 2d and battered cod at less than sixpence.... When I thought my oldest brother was a hero with his job as Fireman and his Bantam 125 motorcycle.... Err Steam Engine fireman on British Rail.

How come my dad Lived so long (over 83 years)when he chain smoked unfiltered fags. Ate anything he could get his hands, on served in Tientsin China during the Nanking Massacre. Moved at the start of WW2 to India where a great deal of his unit the Lancashire Fusiliers were killed in action...The British Ambassador in Ulan Bator told me about his Units losses when I was "Up doing some work for him circa 1983.... he also served in India as British Army Officer during the war... dad never mention anything about this until I passed on the BAs regards.... Then he told me about loading bombs on War Planes and also being a gunnery instructor at the Staff College located in N India

How come my mum lived so long (86 years) when she brought up 9 of her own kids (No TV) and put up with my dad for 53 years... even sailing out across the Atlantic 1939 in a convoy to India during the war to marry him.

I know...... we were the tough bunch and now these micro waves have boiled out our brains

Whoops am I straying off topic a bit..... Its that Facebook thingy that will be the end of us all hehehe

When I was young I only "used-to-think" the old ones talked a load of rot..... Now I am old enough to join in

( Posted by: Fairplay [Member] On: April 21, 2012 )

read article
Lucie,

I found and read the article, and your assessment is quite different that what I come up with, but very on the mark.

One thing that I thought of while reading is that the world will never again have a Newton, or Einstein, or Michelangelo, or Frost because our children have lost the ability of abstact thought, and certainly they have no ability of critical thinking. It they can't find it on google or facebook it does not exist.

How about if someone was to create a social networking company that advertises "We will not collect, save, or share any information about you. You do not even need to register to use our product." That would really put Zuckerman into a tail spin.

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: April 21, 2012 )

Bea, Brian, Pen, Eric
Saw your comments, no time to sit and reply until Monday 23rd, so will return then. Thank you for your interest in this.

Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: April 21, 2012 )

Bea
Thank you for stopping by. You've always got a clear perspective! Would that everybody had their heads screwed on as straight as you do!

For myself, I'm not particularly interested in the "new-found long-lost", whether they be relatives or friends. They're all long-lost for a reason. I've always preferred moving on, over going around in circles, but that's just me.

Sure I'm curious, it's human nature, but I have so much more to satisfy before my curiosity!

As for coming back, I never did learn how to comment like the rest of the commenters here, which makes me odd and bizarre, and soon enough, this catches up with me and I find myself forced to stay away. So it's really a form of "going around in circles", this, and I end up staying away more than staying here.

But we'll see, because it's good to keep an open mind.

Lucie