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The quickest way to man's heart
Is down the barrel of a gun.

You say there is no truth in lies
But that's just your mother barking
For if my words are lieing
Then their inverse is truthing
Even Washington would agree...
And then wip his slaves.

Today I got my last love-letter
From the invisible ghost of a dieing spirit's dead apparition

"Dear Dick,
I told you...
Your toothbrush was in the mailbox.
But I found your dandruff on the couch.
And my burning clothes in the kitchen.
I want my key back.
Love,
No-one."

With a condemned X on my heart
And a For Sale sign on my c*ck
...yeah sure, Friday... I can watch your boyfriend's kids.


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Comments

The following comments are for "It's Friday Night!!!"
by PeriwinkleMoses

Kind of funny, ironic
I don't know if it is intended to be humorous, but I can sense the humor.

One think I suggest, take it from the passive past tense and bring it to present tense. Loose the "ing" wording as much as possible.

First two lines are great.

"You say there is no truth in lies
But that's just your mother barking"

instead of "mother barking" I think "barking mother" gives it more of a launch into absurdity. At least I think that is where you are pointing it.

"For if my words are lieing
Then their inverse is truthing"

I suggest "For if my words lie (or "are lies")
"Then the inverse is truth"

"From the invisible ghost of a dieing spirit's dead apparition"

I suggest: From the ghost of a dead apparition"

You don't need "invisible" with ghost, and a ghost is a spirit, which is an apparition, so I think if you get rid of "dieing spirit" you sharpen the point here.

cheers
BW


( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: April 22, 2012 )





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