Roni
by michaelpatrick (Member) - published: March 17, 2012
Word Count: 101 Word Bytes: 729 Viewed: 227 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by michaelpatrick

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Follow the lead
On silences calm wave
Until the masses of madness
Part like the Red sea

Faint not always
A sorrowfull heart
Some tears from a
Weeping womans dead eye
Can be betraying

For even the
The best players
In the game slip
And fall in love
Feeling the shame
Pondering over and over
The snake super stud
What was my real name

But not I said
The teather to the ball
Until a beautiful girl
Wrapped her creature soul
Around his pole

Then took all his sanity
and left him
crying on the cold floor
Come back Roni

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Comments

The following comments are for "Roni"
by michaelpatrick

Spelling errors can break the spell
Your poetry is very good. I want to believe some of what I take for spelling error is deliberate. However, while madness may be singular, masses is a plural noun, therefore masses "part". Masses (no matter what kind) don't "parts". Red Sea might be deliberately not capitalized, to indicate a reference to something other than the geographic location (which would always be in caps), but I would be willing to bet you meant wrapped not rapped.
Your poetry is very good. If it didn't incorporate unnecessary errors that draw attention away from the meaning and intent, your poetry would be excellent. That said, I enjoy your work very much. Thank you.

( Posted by: Poeteye [Member] On: March 18, 2012 )

poeteye
I'll fix the miss spelling.Thank you for your input and thank you for your kind comments.

( Posted by: Michaelpatrick [Member] On: March 19, 2012 )

enjoyed with gusto!
I'm not going to put my oar in about masses of madness parting like the Red Sea .. oh ... maybe I will ..

I got it ... totally
but accept respectfully poeteye's take on the poem. I suppose I was so intrigued with the gist of your words I ignored the mistakes. That's gotta be a good thing ...

off to make my morning tea .. keep writing!

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: March 27, 2012 )

holy toledo!
Is that you again tweaking my mind with your words????

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: March 27, 2012 )

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