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Here's a story I'm about to tell
About a girl that didn't listen
To the warning bells,
Of the pieces to the puzzle that's missing

Her future was shattered;
All of her plans were crushed;
Nothing really mattered.
She searched for help but, founded no one
She could've possible have trusted.
All this girl did was cause bad news
Nothing was good of her emotions.

I once knew this girl that had to learn a lesson
She wouldn't give to charity;
Always brought on an horrible impression
for a person with so much severity.

Her and this rode around town
together in the car while he had weed;
The cops came out and shutted their operation down
They had beatened them leaving behind cuts,bruises, and scars
Riding up and down the street
terrorizing people with their cars
Creating a scene of intense grief and heat.
Citizens begged and pleaded
for their lives to become spared
Unfortunately, they had succeeded
with much violence without no concern to care.

Their wisdom and guidance became needed
As a source for something more pure
during the trials faced that came with greed.

From some things that was experience to endure
A sin , the Savior
covered for those immature and mature
in spirit as a taste of God's untimely favor
for those that wasn't sure.

The alluring type of sudden vibe
among anything in their emotions
couldn't been really described
became of the occurrence of a bad notion.

angellica marie shackelford

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The following comments are for "The Socialable Type of Blues"
by sierrramarie

being blue..
I read as, "'of' a girl" as not to repeat "about"

I read as, "'and' missing pieces to the puzzle"

The way represented, it reads as if the 'puzzle' is what is 'missing'..not just 'pieces' to it..Was that by intent?

"help, but 'found' no one." or "help, finding no one."

"she 'could possibly' trust"

"'a' horrible impression"

"'shut' their operation.."

"..'beaten' them.."

"'any' concern"..

"lives 'to be' spared"

"without 'any' concern"..

"that 'were not' sure"

I'll stop there. Editing is our friend..unless you intended it to be grammatically challenged?

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: January 24, 2012 )

being blue....
I challenged it to be gramatically challenged for all of my readers. I want everyone to tell me what they think about this poem. My new years resolution is to take all of my poetry off the website and revise it

( Posted by: sierrramarie [Member] On: February 2, 2012 )

Learning the basics!
Sierramarie...If you are as truly serious about writing poetry as you have said, I would recommend (if you are not still in school) to go back to the basics of english grammar.

Without knowing these basic rules i.e.,syntax, spelling, etc, you woun't be able to achieve what I surmise you are seeking...recognition for your work. ALWAYS work with a dictionary and thesaurus close at hand.

But most of all...READ both classic and modern poetry until you have mastered the basic rules.
And last but not least...Proofread your work several times, checking your spelling, grammar etc., before posting.

Hopes this helps.


( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: February 4, 2012 )

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