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She dreamt for a long time
Of how it could have been
If the world had decided to take a different course
She regrets her past
Yet relishes her present
Was the past worth what is in place now
Happiness now doesn’t replace the happiness lost
Can now be enough for the future

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The following comments are for "Is Now Enough?"
by Kayame

0kay .. here goes ....
I began reading this with hopeful joy and an open heart/mind. Why? Because you provided and excellent intro ... ... and oh my .. that title is sublime ...

Your line breaks do not aid the reader in experiencing your poem. Nobody should consider non rhyming or unstructured poetry as a godsend. For me, it's doubly difficult because there is no formula or rhyming guide.

I don't know why you use ... 'Yet' as a lead in for line 5 because the previous line suggests no need for it.

In this short poem you repeat - 'past' and 'happiness' which hint at a limited vocabulary which isn't a bad thing but it rarely helps poets put their words together unless they are seeking emphasis in repeats and twice never is enough for that.

Now, I've spent some time delving into your poem and reading it several times so don't be churlish and believe me to be a cranky dame. If I didn't care about what you are writing ... my comment would have been ....

nice job

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: January 10, 2012 )

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