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Thief In the Dark
Chapter 1:The Climax

Dax walked down the desolate dirt road of the city, Faiel, with his hood over his head so that the cold, windy drizzle would be out of his face. The tall man with jaggedly cut brown hair, and petrifying green eyes, stared fixedly on the road with his hands in his pockets, hoping that his colossal body would go unnoticed. Only four or five people were out at this time, do to the weather. Hardly any light shown onto the city, for the sky was completely enshrouded by thick, black clouds. A crack of lightening made Dax jump and pick up his pace.
The drizzle turned into rain, and Dax began to jog down the road. He ventured a glance around the city and was able to catch a little girl, staring out of her second story window. When she caught a look at his face, her eyes widened in terror, and she ran deeper into the house. Dax, then, continued to stare at the ground until he was at a small house.
He rapped his giant knuckles on the door, and then stood back to wait. An old man opened it, and with one glance at Dax, slammed it shut. Dax could hear at least three locks being bolted as he stood there, soaking wet in the rain. Dax knocked again.
“Leave me alone. Please. I have a wife and kids. Uh, but my neighbor has no one-eat him!”
“You don’t have a wife, or any kids! Garth, it’s me, Dax!”
Cautiously, the old man peeked outside his door. He swung it open wider and motioned for him to come in.
“Long time, no see. What’ve you been up to?” Asked Garth as he poured Dax a cup of tea.
Dax took off his enormous cloak to reveal a muzzled face with large, yellow fangs peering out from under his lips, and a body covered in fur. Dax was Ferringoth. Garth clutched his chest and took a step back, tripping over a footstool. Dax helped him up and led him over to a chair. The house was the exact same as it was the last time Dax had seen it two years ago. There was a small couch in the middle of the room, with a table in front of it and a chair on the side. The walls were covered in a few shelves that contained various trinkets and books, which he had studied Faiel with.
“I’m sorry, Dax,” said Garth. “I had forgotten what your appearance looked like.”
Dax put his hand to his forehead and shook his head.
“Now, what do you need?” Asked Garth. “I can get you anywhere in the whole city of Faiel.”
“I want into the Climax.”
“Now’s where we have difficulties,” replied Garth. “You see, the Climax, not only is in the palace, but it’s at the Zenith, and it’s the most sacred zone in Faiel.”
“And why is it the most sacred zone in Faiel?” Asked Dax teasingly.
“Because, that’s where the Hilden rests?”
“The what? Wait, no. You don’t think that it’s off limits for no reason, do you? There’s something in there, Garth. Something valuable; very valuable.”
Garth smiled.
“You and your crazy schemes,” Garth said with a laugh. “And what type of things are you expecting to find if I can get you in the Climax?”
“I don’t even know where I could begin to imagine what’s in there. But it’s gotta be worth something. And if you get me in, I’ll let you have a fourth of the profit.”
“I’ll do it for the fun. Now that I’m making money is just a bonus.”
“So…how are you going to do it?” Asked Dax.
“With the help of a good costume, and one of my most reliable books, we’ll figure it out!”
“What kind of costume will I be using?”
“Well, a royal guard would probably do best, because they are aloud anywhere they want to go in the palace. Well, anywhere except for the Climax.”
“Of course! Perfect, just perfect. But do you know why they’re not allowed into that room? Because there’s something in there. It all points to that.”
“This is getting interesting, and sounds fun to get myself into,” said Garth. “I’m going with you!”
Dax folded his arms under his chest, and chewed his lower lip.
“No. No, you’re not going to come.”
“If you want me to help, you’re going to need my guidance. You would walk into the first hallway, and wouldn’t even find the first staircase until the next day. The Climax takes ten staircases to get to. That’s not including the complex hallways you have to find your way through.”
“Fine. You can come, but I want to do it tonight.”
“Tonight? You are crazy, aren’t you?”
Dax grinned; a very interesting sight to see.
“Get the required stuff together, and then we’ll leave, and with the guidance of your maps, we’ll find the Climax.”

* * *

Dax and Garth stood at the palace gate, while they examined the map to the Climax. They were both wearing the royal guard uniform, being a chain mail shirt that went to the knees, a red shirt and red shorts, a short sword hanging at their waist and a helm on their head.
The palace gate guard opened the gate for the two, and Garth and Dax walked through to the entrance doors.
“Alright, where to?” Asked Dax.
“Down this hall, down that hall, up the stairs and…”
“Alright. Tell me more when we get there.”
The two walked down the two hallways and went up the staircase. Then they went down more halls, and up more staircases.
“How much longer do we have to do this?” Asked Dax.
“We’re there,” said Garth with a grin.
He pointed to a large, gold-fringed door with a large painting of a serpent in the middle. Garth reached for the handle of the door, just as an arrow whizzed right by his head.
“You, there. Stop!”
The two turned to see a young guard running towards them with a bow in his hand.
“Someone’s breaking into the Climax!”
More arrows flew by them.
“We have to get out of here,” Garth shouted.
The two began to run back down the halls and stairs with fifteen guards chasing them. They were down the last hallway, when Garth was hit in the back with an arrow.
“Nooooooooo!” Dax cried.
Dax slung Garth over his shoulder and ran to the large double doors.
“This is an emergency, just open the gate!” Dax yelled to the gate’s guard, who still figured that Dax was a royal guard.
The gates were opened, and Dax ran down the street with now only five or so guards chasing him. He weaved in and out of ally ways until he had lost all of them. He kicked open Garth’s house door and walked inside. He laid Garth down on the couch and examined the arrow. It was too late. Garth had already lost too much blood, and wasn’t breathing; he was dead.

Chapter 2
Reeking Havoc

It had been three days since Garth’s death, and now, all Dax wanted was revenge. He hadn’t left Garth’s house in those three days, until now when he decided that he would go to the palace. With three books in one hand, and two maps in the other, Dax sat down on the corner of the street and opened a book. The book he was looking over was Garth’s acquaintance book; a book that Garth wrote the names of his friends, who were all like Garth.
Under each name Garth had written down, there was a brief bio on them, and what they specialized in. After examining the whole book, Dax had found three guys that sounded good to him. The first was Salle Bilair; a man that was mastermind of sneakiness. He owned his own shop, and so Dax decided to go there. It was just right down the street.
Dax opened the door, and surprisingly found it to be a costume shop. Sure, Salle was that kind of person, but to actually go so far as to own his own shop. Dax went up to the counter and rang the bell. An old man with gray hair, and little round spectacles came bustling out of the back.
“Yes, yes. How may I be of service?” He asked.
Dax frowned; usually somebody would jump back in fright when they saw him, but his man didn’t even seem to notice.
“Are you Salle Bilair?” Dax asked.
The old man frowned and looked hurriedly around his shop, as if to see that no one had heard. In a much less high pitch of tone, he responded, “Only two people no my real name, and I found out that one of them is dead. I certainly know that you’re not the other one.”
“My name is Dax, and I need your help. You see, last night, me and a man named Garth went to the…”
“Garth? Did you say Garth?” Asked Salle.
“That was one of the men that knew my name and is now dead. Were you with him when he died?”
“More like killed. But just let me finish the story, and you’ll see. So Garth and I decided we would go to the Climax.” Salle Gasped. “Well, we made it all the way to the doors of the Climax, Garth even had his hand on the handle, when suddenly, and arrow whizzed by us. We began to retrace our steps, while running at full speed out of the palace. We were almost out when Garth was nailed in the back by an arrow. I carried him out, and all the way back to his house. By the time we had gotten back, he was dead.”
Salle nodded.
“That’s a very intriguing tale Mr. Dax. But that doesn’t sound like something Garth would get himself into. Di you talk him into it?”
“No; as a matter of fact, I tried to talk him out of it.”
“So then, why do you need my help?”
“I want revenge. I want to reek havoc on the palace, and again attempt to enter the Climax.”
Salle stroked his chin and walked over a small shelf near the back.
“Did you two use a royal guard’s costume?”
“Yes,” replied Dax.
“Well, we’re going to use the same approach, since I can’t think of anything else. Do you have anyone else coming with us. I have two others in mind that I’m going to ask.”
“What are their names?”
“Dead. Who else?”
Dax raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, uh, Farrial.”
“Wow, you were trying to reestablish the Thief in the Dark, weren’t you?”
“The what?”
“Thief in the Dark. It was a small group of four: Garth, Farrial, Jase, and I were all in it.”
“Huh. Well, then I guess that I was. So will you help me, then?”
“Well of course I’ll help you. I’ll talk Farrial into doing it tonight. When were you planning on doing this again?”
“Whenever you’re ready for it.”
“I’ll be ready tomorrow, and I’m sure that Farrial will be too.”
Dax shook his hand and walked back out of the shop and into the street. He went back to his house, (Garth’s house) and sat down onto the couch. He rolled out the map of the palace and examined it closely. He looked at every entrance and exit, hallways, meeting rooms, bedrooms, staircases, courtrooms, and of course, the Climax.
Dax sighed as he replayed in his mind, for the umpteenth time, his and Garth’s attempt to break into the Climax. Dax tried to focus on the map, but his eyelids were rather heavy, and he was already sitting on the couch. He lay down, closed his eyes, and drifted slowly off to sleep.

End of part 1.

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The following comments are for "Thief in the Dark"
by ArturHawking

Hey, I have high hopes for this story, and I was just wondering what other if other people liked it.

( Posted by: ArturHawking [Member] On: June 28, 2003 )

Opinion? Here's one.
High hopes indeed. It has potential to be a decent fantasy story, if you woudl spend any time at all on characters, setting, or events. Not a thing in this story is developed. It might be well thought out in your head, however, none of that shows in your writing. It's imporssible to care what happens to a character when you have no concept of the character to begin with, and you provide none of that to the reader. Everything is flat, and you need to make it live before this story warrants a score. Put some elaboration and development in there, and see how much better it turns out. And don't be afraid to take time.


( Posted by: Kitten Courna [Member] On: June 28, 2003 )

Thanks a lot for commenting on my story, it's made me feel a lot better after taking the heavy blow from that last comment. You were definitely a lot of help, while I've been struggling to find ways to improve my book. Now, I'll also have a better idea on ways to make my second part of the book better too.

( Posted by: ArturHawking [Member] On: June 30, 2003 )

Bravo! I thought this was a great fantasy story, creative and well written!

( Posted by: Titus Tolshem [Member] On: July 1, 2003 )

Thief in the dark
Okay, heres a useless comment, I think that your story has some potential if you work on the characters, change the POV, maybe tell a little more about the characters before you start, (discreetly mind you)
and maybe you should include a bit of action to keep your reader going.

( Posted by: Farror [Member] On: September 17, 2003 )

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