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Friendly is the manner of their greet,
The motive though is sour,
The fellowship deceit,
Caring only to discern
Whether you are chaff or wheat.

Lies and Laud side by side.
Upturned corner of the mouth,
By smile they deride,
Playing on lifeís checker board
With pieces of your pride.

Seeming to give, only to take
Allegiances, held ransom
By act of your mistake
To honor those without,
And cherish one thatís fake.

Every man fell prey to sin.
Carry doubt as your trust,
Know the world youíre in.
Every friend becomes a foe
In Satan's bid to win.

------
"I must create my own system, or be enslaved by another man's"-William Blake



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Comments

The following comments are for "The Back Scratchers (2nd version)"
by Malthis

second time out
Malthis~

I enjoyed this version much better than the first, and the "pieces of your pride" line is still my favorite. I find the format a bit archaic for so modern a topic, but you manage to amke the rhyme seem natural so I won't ding you for it. Although it would be interesting to see some free verse from you.

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: June 27, 2003 )

I like it
Don't think I caught this one the first time, but I've enjoyed reading it now.

I've gone back and had a look at the previous version, and I can definitely say I prefer this one, but though I think you've done a good job with the improvements, I feel that the last two stanzas are still a bit weaker than the first two.

Good poem, though, and that opening verse is one of sheer class.

Score 8/10.

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: June 28, 2003 )





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