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what do I want from you
pushing in, deeper, harder
plunging past all
my inhibitions

frail and unkempt I feel
fet powerful in frailty
fine chains of morality
have held me
twisting

now unbound

true freedom so close
a breath
whispering that
iíve not yet run
my race

who has this love
that I crave so

soft flesh beckons
pale and silken
the scent lingers
in memory

flawless

damn the distance
if only unmade
this choice could be

oceans of doubt
surround
my troubled heart
and struggling mind

tidal waves
confusion crashes
down
my knees
tremble

your velvet touch
is all that is needed
to release me
or wash me

away


------
'But I don't want to go among mad people,' said Alice. 'Oh, you can't help that,' said the cat. 'We're all mad here.'
Lewis Carroll



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Comments

The following comments are for "Lipstick Dreams"
by HeRoCoMpLeX

lipstick dreams
i like it when a poem punches me in the gut. very much enjoyed!

should the second line in the second stanza be
"yet powerful in frailty"?

and maybe, just a suggestion, use "fragile" instead of "frail" in the first line of the second stanza since you are using frailty in the second line?

thanks for sharing this david ;-)

( Posted by: cmsmuse [Member] On: July 25, 2011 )

@Tina
Tina,

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my humble offering. Apparently, I don't post enough cause no one else has taken the time. LOL, itís my own fault for not getting on and commenting more often.

Your right, "fet" is a typo that was supposed to be "yet". I've already fixed it during revisions.

As to your suggestion about repeating "frail" I think your right. There was something (at the time of writing) about the repetition that spoke to me but upon further review I think it needs some imaginative revamping. Good call!

Much Love,

Dave

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: July 28, 2011 )

engaging title
I was so intrigued by the title you chose I felt compelled to have a read. For me, title was the best part.

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: July 28, 2011 )

@Pen
LOL, so the poem was crap but the title saved it, or I should keep the title and write a better poem to go with it? ;)

I always look forward to your comments my friend, thank you for taking the time to read my offering.

Bless you,

Dave

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: July 29, 2011 )

Dave
I always struggle about using a title twice but ... that's me. Why not? I wouldn't bother about trying to save this one. Thanks for being gracious about my input.

You know Dave I've got this thing about poems of love .. so perhaps it's just me having blinders on. I also have this connection now with lipstick and concentration camps thanks to Gordon.
poem link

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: July 29, 2011 )

@Pen
I've always thought that constructive criticism was a must if a writer is to learn and grow. They can't all be gems, right? LOL, never fear that I will not welcome any comment, whether its a compliment or a critque.

I'll shoot over and take a look at your link.

Much Love,

Dave

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: July 29, 2011 )

a salient point Dave
Tina's comment was complimentary ... why is it we writers focus more on the critical?

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: July 29, 2011 )

Lipstick Dreams
As a poem, I think it's fine...but moralist (sometimes) that I think I am...I choose to accept a poem on several levels.

I just detect possible trouble in paradise if the subject chooses the wrong road to travel on.
But that's just me...that's what Aunts and Grannys are for!

Bea

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: July 30, 2011 )

Roto Rooter Remedy
Who would have ever thought that clearing our lives of our inhibitions...would require a plunger...?

( Posted by: awhippingflame [Member] On: August 1, 2011 )

HeRo
tidal waves confusion crashes down my knees tremble.....
I love,this line...its very gripping....it shows the struggle within...
its going in my favorites..
I know ive commented on this, when we talked about before you posted out.. but its,still very much my favorite..

( Posted by: trynfinity [Member] On: February 27, 2012 )





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