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With the red-brick
brow-beaten
by the contumacious sun
I write lines
Perhaps a hundred good ones
and stare at people
denizens of this heap
some happy mostly not
Misery’s mistress
must admire her handiwork
like us
the deluded
swim & laugh
eschew pragmatism
in favour
of now: instant gratification
like us
they
dispel of gases
walk urinous streets
recycle wants proclivities
aromas
A dazzling broth!



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Comments

The following comments are for "Red-brick"
by Shakti

ho-hu---zzzzzzz snore
Well, when I had to look the first word up for meaning in the dictionary, I was pretty much aware that this would not be a poem for me.

Usually I like your stuff, (look that one up in your Oxford Int)
then when I got to the part about you writing your writing, I knew it was not for me. This, to me is the very epitime of unuseful poetry. Note, I stop short of calling it BAD poetry, as I do not believe there is any such thing as a bad poem, only a poem you do not like for whatever reason.
However, I also thing this poem has too many cumbersome words, words I do not use, most people do not use, and especially in this world of instant everything, no one even wants to know what it means. But I must also bow to the understanding that a few of the masses, al-be-it very few, still want to know what these fogotten and useless words mean. Each to their own, I say, but I think there are better ways of attempting to show everyone reading that I know lots of useless data in which no one is ever really impressed.

To the bigginnnerI always say, it is illogical, rude, pointless, and very very boring for any poet to talk about their own powetry in any public forum.

, It simply turns people OFF.

However, I usually find lots of what I think is good, even very good, in your poetry, Shakti, just not this one.
veebdosa aka ronnie wilson

( Posted by: veebdosa [Member] On: May 30, 2011 )

the rebellious sun
Shakti,
"contumacious"- disobedient..cool word.

VeeB does not speak for me. I enjoy the challenge of words and {re}discovering them, as well. I'm thankful not all poets merely employ simplistic, cliche rhymes; basically rewriting the same poems over and over.

There are many well-known/famous poems, with process of and poetry itself being subject. Again, VeeB does not speak for me. I enjoy perusing them.

Out of the randomness of our experiences, we construct. From these experiences, dreams and wishes are represented through our compressed offerings..Sometimes, the subject may well be the very process we are experiencing- writing itself.

A couple of the things I enjoy most about this site- being challenged and stretching..Why would a writer not wish to grow and stretch? New words are part of that. We can exploit the meaning and the ambiguities of words. It's part of being a writer. So too is experimenting..and challenging self.

I never underestimate the reader. At times, I do challenge the reader, as I would like to be challenged.

I enjoyed experiencing this offering.

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: May 30, 2011 )

all kinds
Ah ha, now Bobby knows his beans and that is obvious. I would never attempt to speak for Bobby, or any other poet, it is all just my very own point of view.

I am loose at the lip, I shoot from the hip, ......uhhh now if I were to ignore my own feelings, and write about my writings, which I will NEVER SINK SO LOW to do, than that would be the start of a poem about my writings...

"I am loose at the lip,
I shoot from the hip.

bla blah blah etc..."

Believe me you, I have sat in a bow tie and tails in a group of similarily dressed English croanies, who now nothing more than why their doctor is a jerk, which laxative works the fastest, and Paris Hiltons cup size, while they quote CHARGE OF THE LIGHJT BRIGADE from memory.

Now this is about the best such kinds of poetry can give us

I'd rather to be in the Village, or better yet, in any Georgetown Saloon any night listening to real life among the peasants who can affor a beer or two weekend nights.

Read on, there is poetry for all. Have you watched the Sudan of Egypt recently? There is the most imortant poetry waiting to be written today, why not everyone read current events in Sudan, the new Sudan, and write. They need our help aqnd this dear friends, is VERY IMPORTANT.

Veebdosa aka ronnie wilson

( Posted by: VEEBDOSA [Member] On: May 30, 2011 )

VeeB, then..
..you may wish to say, it turns "you" off..instead of saying it "turns people off."
It is fine to speak for yourself. That can be accomplished without saying what 'high school students' or other readers may or may not think/feel. What is "illogical, rude, pointless and very very boring" to you is all you need convey- so too your thoughts/opinions of Chekhov and value/merits within translation.

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: May 30, 2011 )

Chikov Checkoft uhhh
WAIT!!! THERE IS another possibility no one has mentioned, mayby, just maybe, the Trains Conductor ame by with his distpan, swept the oook in quesion into the dump pan, and theN dropped it into the trash can after he reading the title and author????

OHHH NOOOO!

( Posted by: VeeBdosa [Member] On: May 30, 2011 )

exercising one's vocabulary
For me, it's always a treat to read some less that common words and once in a while I even learn a new one!

I rarely write about writing because I just don't think about it. However, you made it interesting enough to keep my attention.

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: May 30, 2011 )

THROWING STONES AT RED BRICKS
Normally, Veeb would be right about writing about ones own writing, but not in this case. It is thoughtful and very well done. I love observance poetry, which this is. And what is particularly cool about it is the observer is on a rush. I love the word/line rushes that come in bunches, so many so that you can't write them fast enough to get them all. That, my friends, is an infrequent thing. It is enviable to me. When Shannon roamed these parts, he had lots the same things happening. I like this work for its brevity too. The compression is fine, direct. Just my H.O. .

williamhill

( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: May 30, 2011 )

"Brevity
is the sister of talent." - Anton Chekhov

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: May 30, 2011 )

Red Brick
A very aromatic scene of the brown stone environment, the city life if you will. That is what I get from this, that 'dazzling broth."

Fantastic metaphor. I've never lived in that neighborhood, but I can see it clearly in this.

Well done.

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: May 30, 2011 )

Inspiring
Veebdosa-- i respect your almost-bellicose perspective on poetry but you did look for the word and that is why i think you are "wonderfully alive". You do remind me of one contumacious uncle too. To Bobby, Pen and Williamhill--again it was a treat reading your comments and the way you sift through these chunks of words and spaces. Bobby, I agree words are curious organisms-- they just wont let go and finding a word that grabs you for a moment (sometimes for days) is heady and sometimes manic.

( Posted by: Shakti [Member] On: May 30, 2011 )





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