Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
5.08

(12 votes)


RatingRated by
10Unknown
1Unknown
6Unknown
1Unknown
7Unknown
7Unknown
2Unknown
5Unknown
9Unknown
1Unknown
6Unknown
6Unknown

You must login to vote

The corridor was cold, dark and damp. It seemed to swallow up the light from the torches on the walls. David had been through here once before, but he had been wearing a blind fold at the time. At least he thought it was through here. It was a rare occasion to be even called, much less asked to come here. He knew this meeting meant something important would need to be done, and that was never a good thing.

The man leading the way was Latham. David sized him up and could tell this man wasn't just a guide. He carried himself like a soldier. His skin was battled hardened and the lines on his face ran deep. He wasn't old, but he had seen his share of battles. He had told David to follow him and he could feel the sense of presence; this man was used to commanding people. David thought he must be a Captain. Even in these hard times a General would not be leading people through tunnels like a servant.

David had seen his share of military campaigns when he was younger. His father had served in the Kings army and when he was old enough, he joined their ranks as well. But times were different now. Those who fight on the side of good were forced to huddle into tunnels to make plans. Fighting like outlaws and bandits trying to reclaim the world that was taken when those vile creatures came.

After several twists and turns, the tunnel opened out a bit and at the end was a barred door with two guards. Latham motioned and they moved aside. Latham pushed open the door and pointed. "They are waiting inside."

Reluctantly, David stepped into the large room. The metal creak of the door and the ring of stone and metal made the man nervous, but he had no choice but to continue. Looking forward, he took in a deep breath and started towards the table, and though the room was very dim, the dark presence of the Council could be felt about the room. David had served the Council before as an assassin. Sometimes David wondered whose side they were truly on. They always seemed so…dark and dreary.

“Sit down.”

David was easily able to distinguish the raspy voice of Garth. The Council’s leader was a short man, nearly a head shorter than David, but his authority reined over all that he wished it too. David had never seen the man’s face; he always stayed hidden behind his jet-black cloak. The man shivered. Garth reminded him of a snake. David hated snakes.

David sat down in the hard wooden chair. “What have I been called for, Lord Garth?”

“We have a problem,” said the black-clad man. “Kel is returning, this time with forces beyond numbers. His Dragons have multiplied, as have his ground forces.” David’s jaw dropped open. “Yes, he is fabled dead, but I have seen with my own eyes. The Vors have returned.”

A thousand questions ran through David’s mind. Where had he gotten the Vors? Those reptilian creatures had long been extinct. And the only dragon left, according to The Records, was said to live deep in the sea, and impossible to awake. Clearing his voice, David said, “What, Lord, does this have to do with a man with such little importance as me?”

David “felt” the man smile. “That is actually not the problem, David. King Minloc is the problem. We want you to…do us a favor, David.”

The sound of his voice sent a chill up David’s spine. After clearing his throat, he managed a hoarse, “What, my Lord?”

“Kill the King.”

David’s eyes shot open, and instantly his hand went to his side. But he cursed inwardly when he realized that the weapon had been left at the door; no one save the King was allowed to wear a sword in the presence of the Council. Again, David felt Garth smile. “You will do it, or…unpleasant things will happen.”

Garth nodded to the two men beside him, and they seized David. He struggled to get free from them as one drew a long knife from his belt, then let loose a scream of pain as the sharp golden blade scraped the skin off of his chest. Another layer of skin was cut from his chest. With a sharp motion from Garth, the two stopped. David sat panting at the pain in his chest. “Well,” said Garth, “will the task be done, or not?”

“Why, my Lord,” said David, “must we kill the King?”

Garth let loose a laugh, and the hood was pulled back to reveal a charred and burned face, the skin loosely hanging from the skull. Two blazing blue eyes sat in the sockets--two unhuman eyes. David instantly knew it was Kel; pictures of many had been painted and drawn and sat in the Great Library. “You see why, my friend?”

David gasped. “No!” He shouted in a confident, yet full-of-fear tone. “I will not do as you please. Go back to Shadow Berith, where you belong, you wretched worm!”

And the dagger was plunged deep into David’s heart.

* * *

Gasping, David sat up from his soft bed, then hurried out to get on his clothes. So the prophecies were complete.

‘For none shall know that he is he, except for the one who dreams. He shall hide behind his mask, one of deception and lies, but the Stream of Blood shall be drained and all shall have life again.’


“The one who dreams,” David muttered. A chill went up his spine. “That’s me.” David was one of few who was able to predict the future in dreams. Many times he had saved people’s lives, sure, but he had hated the responsibility. Until now. He was to save the King, which meant he had to go to the palace and warn him. The King always believed David, for he knew he was a Dreamer.

Looking behind him, he turned towards the hallway and ran towards the palace, then nearly collided with Latham. The man showed surprise for only a moment; he was an emotionless man. “There is a meeting you are to attend, David. Come this way.”

David froze. What should he do? “All right, sir,” he said in a shaky tone. “But, ah, the King has called me for a reason I do not know. I have to see him first.”

Latham eyed him suspiciously, but then nodded an ok. “Come soon as possible. The Council is eager to see you.”

------
...And they did shake the world with battle.



Comments

The following comments are for "Write Off: Betrayals"
by DragonReborn

First
First comments again! Damn I'm cool.

Thought this one was second best. The end was good, especially the last line. That "one who dreams" stuff seemed kind of weird, but after Terry Goodkind and the contrivances of numerous other fantasy authors, you get used to it. Good job.

Only conflict that occurs to me: Was David's dream centered upon the idea of evil influences in the Council, or was that an actual representation of events that would come to pass? If the second, how could their kingdom stop Dragons and lizard-men? I mean, you'd be pretty screwed, even if the assasination could be prevented. Anyway.

( Posted by: Washer [Member] On: June 24, 2003 )

First
First comments again! Damn I'm cool.

Thought this one was second best. The end was good, especially the last line. That "one who dreams" stuff seemed kind of weird, but after Terry Goodkind and the contrivances of numerous other fantasy authors, you get used to it. Good job.

Only conflict that occurs to me: Was David's dream centered upon the idea of evil influences in the Council, or was that an actual representation of events that would come to pass? If the second, how could their kingdom stop Dragons and lizard-men? I mean, you'd be pretty screwed, even if the assasination could be prevented. Anyway.

( Posted by: Washer [Member] On: June 24, 2003 )

Third . . . ?
Sorry, the browser refreshed kinda funky on me. I guess just read the first one, and disregard these other two.

( Posted by: Washer [Member] On: June 24, 2003 )

In this corner... write off contestant...
Hmmmm... its hard for me to say which tale I like best. Very imaginative dream sequence, but I am not sure if I overly like the transition from dream to reality. None the less, it's a good tale and I will look forward to reading other works by you.

( Posted by: sgt_cook [Member] On: June 24, 2003 )

deja vu all over again
While this is a well crafted story in some respects, I find the dream sequence followed by a repetition of the beginning of the story at the conclusion a bit over used. Your explanation for the mechanism is original in it's own way, but there is nothing about this story that jumps out as completely "yours". It's a bit too easy to pick out your literary influences in this story. Very standard epic fantasy fare, but well written nonetheless.

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: June 24, 2003 )

In second place...
I give you a clear second position in this contest.

Strengths for me are your descriptive prose - the "blazing, blue eyes" and "charred face".

The overall quality of the grammar is better than the other two entries.

You write the genre well, but I agree with Bartleby that you occasionally lapse in to cliche - the dream sequence seemed a little done before, and the bad guy pulling off his disguise to reveal his true identity to David seemed a little bit ... Scooby Doo!

I also agree with Washer that there is something opaque about the prophesy plot: is the dream literally predicting the future - i.e. is David going to end up in a room with Kel?

Or is the significance of the dream that Kel is resurrected? If so, has he infiltrated the council as the dream suggests?

Who, if anyone is going to try to kill the King?

Or is it all a metaphor?

I'm left wondering exactly what message David will be giving the King.

( Posted by: crazylegs [Member] On: June 26, 2003 )

Hmmmm
First I have to tell you what a great job you're doing with description. Paints a good picture in my head though some of your description can be a little melodramatic.

The direction the story is going is intriguing (Not sure if I spelled that word right) but you left so many things, so many important things out. What is the council? Who is Garth? Is he Garth Brooks who was caught in an explosion or not? Who are all these people? As a fantasy lover these things don't bother me that much but people who don't care for the whole shabang won't like it. Not everyone knows what you are talking about so elaborate please! And come on Shaun! Garth is a lame knock off of the dark one in the Wheel of Time series. Charred face, burning red eyes, the whole thing is so cliche.

Overall this story is good but you need to let the reader in on what you are trying say. Only God knows about these character's natures and no Joe Schmo trying to read this story will know. Remember, we're all a bunch of idiots trying to read your story, we don't know what you know.

( Posted by: Titus Tolshem [Member] On: October 21, 2003 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: