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Tight Spot

(my answer to the Writing Challenge)

It wasn’t the first time I tasted fear and I prayed it wouldn’t be my last. I crouched behind a shipping crate on dock 41. The dire duo advanced toward my hidden location. I realized their theatrical, clown-like costumes and masks were disguises to prevent anyone from knowing their true identity. I suspected they were mercenaries who had killed three times in the last two weeks. The media had nicknamed them “The Opera Killers” as witnesses said these alleged killers wore masks. Reports stated Big G, a drug warlord, had hired them to avenge the death of his family. The police had raided his home. Big G had opened fire at the cops and his wife and son had been mortally wounded in the crossfire. Fortunate for him, he escaped. Unfortunate for me, I, an informant, was next on his list.

I wished at that moment that I was a superhero. I would need something powerful to outdo my aggressors. After the cryptic text message left on my iPhone, I had come to the dock, expecting Frank, my contact; instead, I was being hunted down. I took a rock and threw it, hitting one of the crates. The duo were distracted, allowing me time to jump onto a barrel, leap to the top of the crate, and descend on one of them.

Her skill in martial arts was good, but with my size, I hoped to overtake her. But could I take on two? She recovered quickly and was on her feet. The blade of her weapon slashed my arm. Blood bled onto my clothes. With courage I didn’t know I had, I kicked her arm and she lost control of the ebony staff. Clumsily, I tripped and landed on my buttocks. She lunged. I picked up the blade, thrust it forward, and she fell on it.

I pushed her aside. The other came at me swinging her staff. I stepped back. She moved closer and swung the blade. I dodged repeatedly, edging backwards. She thrust the blade forward and using her momentum, I pushed, sending her sailing over the side of the dock. I trembled with a rush of adrenaline and shock, holding my bleeding arm.

I looked over the edge but she wasn’t to be seen in the black pool of the harbor. Behind me, I heard a groan. I turned, leaned over the injured attacker and removed her mask to reveal her features. She was Asian, a ninja in her twenties, I guessed. She coughed blood. I needed to call an ambulance, but before I could punch 911, she whispered something.

“Big G will get you.” With her bare hands, she thrust the blade in deeper and sliced her gut. Her body went limp. Regrettably, I realized I wouldn’t be getting any secrets from her.

After alerting the police and giving a statement, I drove home checking my rear view mirror. The other one was still out there. I wasn’t sure how much time I had left.



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Comments

The following comments are for "Can You?"
by sandra

@Everyone, Can You? Challenge
Sandra is the first contestant is the first annual Can You? Flash Fiction Challenge! I'm so excited! So here is the question we've all been waiting for and it is for you to answer my fellow Lit.org-ers

Did she?

(If you don't know why I'm asking this or what's going on here, check out my column "Musings" in this month’s issue of the “Majestic” and catch the guidelines for this writing challenge in the "Features" column on the home page under the title "Can You? Flash Fiction Challenge”)

In my humble opinion, I say yes, she most certainly did. If you look at the scenario that I gave, I mentioned that our "hero" had no fighting ability. Notice how Sandra made the informant clumsy. In the end, luck, instincts, and adrenalin motivated by fear saved our hero. Would this happen in real life? Maybe, maybe not. However, realism is not required, only fairness and I think that Sandra did this fairly. She even managed to change what I intended to be a fantasy scene into something else entirely and I dig that. Notice also how she gave a brief description of the surroundings and also note that in the scenario that I gave I did not. I did this to give you more freedom of movement for this challenge and Sandra took full advantage of it. Kudos to her for writing a fine piece of Fiction! She extracted our “hero” from the jam I wrote him into fairly and with flare. ;)

Can you?

These are just one writers thoughts, what do the rest of you think? Did she?


Much Love,

Dave

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: May 4, 2011 )

writing depth
What I noticed, very quickly, is that it had a reality edge to it which I admired. Sandra's depth of vocabulary made the read enjoyable. Loved the Opera Killers title .. was that in Dave's lead in? Don't think so. I found the 'Big G' title a bit weak .. maybe I should go back and read Dave's challenge again .. I also found the sentence beginning with 'Unfortunate for me' read a bit awkwardly. For ninja killers they were easily dispatched .. lucky for our hero ..

all in all .. enjoyed ...

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: May 4, 2011 )

@Pen
So did she or didn't she?

(the title Opera Killers or Big G wasn't in my scenario, I left it delibratly vauge so everyone could go nuts with it!)


( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: May 4, 2011 )

@ Dave
In my opinion it's an easy answer - yes she did!

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: May 4, 2011 )

Can You?
Thank Pen! I struggled with that line. One change could be "Unfortunately, I, as an informant, was next on his list." As for the name Big G, it was just off the top of my head!

Thanks Dave and Pen for your feedback. I wanted the hero to confront his enemy rather than run and hide. But as you say, he had no weapon or training in fighting. Thus, he became a passive opponent in a way.

Sandra

( Posted by: sandra [Member] On: May 4, 2011 )

One Tough Gal
Remind me never to get on your bad side, Sandra.

Enjoyed this wild piece of derring-do! - Jim

( Posted by: JamesYoung [Member] On: May 5, 2011 )

@Jim
Thanks Jim! I ran into some of the kids from my neighbourhood that I grew up with at an event. One told a story about how I had bopped her sister in the nose when she stole my crayons and gave her a bloody nose. I was about five and she was about four.

Then my friend said, "Just goes to show you. Don't mess with Sandra." lol

Sandra

( Posted by: sandra [Member] On: May 5, 2011 )

@James...again
The question is,

Did she?

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: May 7, 2011 )





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