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Yamaji chimes drip
under untouchable spring rain -
hear cherry trees cry?

------
Good things wait for those who know what they are doing


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The following comments are for "Sorry for Japan"
by VickieSALT

suggestions
To bring the middle line count to seven syllables you could omit spring because the blossoms in the next line reveal the season.

windchime's haiku on the same topic is, in my opinion, more evocative and well worth a read...
Japan oh Japan

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: April 6, 2011 )

Tori math again:
I learned from You Know Who to count phonetic syllables.
-able is one syllable, no? ;-)

Yes, "spring" looks redundant.

Windchime's haiku is strong, and steers the concise vision into something chemical, due to the use of the word "toxic". I want to be free of modern terminology, I want to keep it independent of time, undatable.

doing math,

Tori

( Posted by: VickieSALT [Member] On: April 6, 2011 )

count on fingers instead
Well, that's my tip for the day on how to avoid missing syllables. I do it all the time.

toxic .. especially with this reference will be close to timeless .. if one counts decades instead of days ... toxic shock syndrome ...

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: April 6, 2011 )

of Buddha-nature
clipping question mark would add dimension..

alternate title: sorry

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: April 6, 2011 )

Tori Gate. Polyamory.
Last year Jojo my girlfriend and I decided to vacation in Japan, and got us an itinerary, with a visit to Kyoto, many Japanese garden locations, and to see the Torii Gate, of course. I got pregnant, we postponed, and then this triple disaster, - I can't fathom it. I have to be comforted. Polyamorically speaking, Jojo is still back there across the ocean, and we're waiting for the twins to grow up a bit. So - thank you for rendering your opinions. I keep on learning.

( Posted by: VickieSALT [Member] On: April 6, 2011 )

of emotional complexes
..and moments in time

I recall your mentioning of this planned sojourn, at my "where panthers go/ angels of samurai" thread..

Japan has difficult days {years} ahead. They are a strong people/culture. They will endure.

Peace. Love. Forever.

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: April 6, 2011 )

Hear, here
Nice haiku

Last line could be "hear" or "here" and would make sense either way.

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: April 6, 2011 )

Love the last line
My son and ex husband visited Japan last year. I have spent the year enjoying my son speak of the people there and his love for their culture. It has been heart wrenching to watch as they experience so much loss. Beautiful expression of it in so few words.

Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: April 7, 2011 )

Tori thanks poets
writing this haiku, agonizing over each word, and then experiencing it again through these comments made me appreciate the importance and exquisiteness of each word in a haiku, -

- thank you all for teaching me

and thank you Nae darling

( Posted by: VickieSALT [Member] On: April 7, 2011 )

New Wave Geisha
your effort to write a haiku in purely Japanese, non-Western concepts, or vocabulary is admirable. The haiku is elegant, poignant, contemporary, and I'd say probably psycholinguistically Japanese.

Vickie is unable to comment due to someone having orchestrated something underhanded and petty.

( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: April 20, 2011 )

Teflon and vickieSALT
Chrispian hasn't blocked anyone. There is an old bug that may be to blame. If you don't log out on one computer, then try logging on using a second computer, it may stop you. It usually corrects itself..

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: April 20, 2011 )

Penguins
Linux, that is. Her hubby, who is a lot richer than me, many times, actually, gave her Linux laptops in addition to her old trusty Compaq that I remember. She has tried it all. It's not that she wanted to get back in, she says. My wife is not into threesomes, but I do know my women.

This haiku really makes me crave cherries and risotto rice.

Let's see what tomorrow brings!

( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: April 20, 2011 )





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