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I cherish our kiss
in warm August rain while you
held my ponytail

Good things wait for those who know what they are doing

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The following comments are for "Eijuszik's"
by VickieSALT

of positioning
You change tense. If you wish, "cherish"..then "hold" should follow.

or else "chersihed" and "held"

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: March 31, 2011 )

felt this one! very nice...

( Posted by: cmsmuse [Member] On: March 31, 2011 )

After perusing several times, I see how it could be read the way represented..if you are recollecting.."'when' you held my ponytail"

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: March 31, 2011 )

that ponytail again!
cms, I knew that Lit org has ponytail aficionados!

Bobby, you got this right - I cherish (now) that lasting moment when he held my pony tail

( Posted by: VickieSALT [Member] On: March 31, 2011 )

Hey you chic
If someone really cared to find out who that is, they would run you out of this town! Since nobody else but you know how to spell his name, you are safe.

( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: April 20, 2011 )

intentional tense change I think....
Ah yes, the kiss lives on long after it is executed, and something you very skillfully point out by your changing tense. I see Bobby recognized your change in tense as well, but I think he missed why you did it.

I assume it was/is intentional, which would make this haiku a very skillfully written verse, if accidental, then I would have to agree with Bobby.

Great work, outstanding if intentional, just ok if accidental.

( Posted by: veebdosa [Member] On: April 21, 2011 )

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