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A/N: Not really good at rhyme but thought I'd give it a go, critques are always welcome!

what dreams we sing
on a starry night
the melody carries
a sorrowful flight

full of anger
tugging grief
doubt and sorrow
without relief

into the dark
our cares take wing
soaring high
an awesome thing

who am I
that it is true
the Maker takes note
when we are blue

Yes, we are graced
considered fair
and take our troubles
to Him in prayer

David Moore
March 13, 2011


------
'But I don't want to go among mad people,' said Alice. 'Oh, you can't help that,' said the cat. 'We're all mad here.'
Lewis Carroll



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Comments

The following comments are for "Grace"
by HeRoCoMpLeX

hmmmm
Well, a good start. Rhyme can be complex and what I noticed is that .. the last set got into the realm of sounds the same but looks different. I enjoy those most of all.

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: March 16, 2011 )

@Lucie
Did you feel my rhyme was forced?

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: March 20, 2011 )

true blue
The hardest thing and tantamount to driving over a cliff poetically is those too easy rhymes - probably because so many songs in the late and early 1900 hundreds used true/blue moon/spoon kiss/miss love/dove - sold a lot of sheet music to the unsophisticated - there is no accident that Hallmark carries on that tradition. Not that it's bad or poor form- it's just that we heard them so much and because of that overuse it's like fingernails on a chalk board. Besides we are, of course, poetically snobbish and want our peers to work a bit on the rhymes (If we are truthful!) Although I will occasionally write a June/moon/spoon/soon song! ;) Give it another go!

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: March 20, 2011 )

moon/june
Fix: Late 1800s and early 1900s

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: March 20, 2011 )

@Lucie and Ken
I think your right about the rhyme being forced. See this is what I love about this site, we're not afraid to be honest and challenge each other.

This piece came out of me almost completely whole. In fact, the only rhymes I had to think about were (drum roll please...) true/blue and wing/thing. LOL, great call Lucie!!!!

Thank you both for the critque, I'll give this one another go and see if i can be a bit more...inventive.

Much Love,

Dave

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: March 21, 2011 )





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