that hopeless anachronism
by weepingwillow (Member) - published: March 10, 2011
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tethered to an unbelievable upsurge of emotion, i find myself exquisitely corrupted by angst. you've heard it right. i am enraged. but i am fine. i am dandy. as a matter of fact, i've soaked my rage by tucking my head to my breast. i am holding it there. steady. intact. there, it will grow. and i am letting that slow dance of chaos linger like bad vodka in my mouth. i am not spitting it out. i am letting it sit there for i know what is happening right now will make me a stonger person. i want to sleep it all away, but i know i will wake up from that splitting pain, the music in my airs humming low, a whispering, murmuring sort, almost a stiff punctuation of rebellion gnawing me raw.
how does someone go through all these for twenty-something-years and still get to carry that air of nonchalance? without fidgeting, without pausing to take a deep breath, without anticipating the pain of leaving again and watching the world from a distance. are these people big pretenders? have they become so immune to all these pain that they have come to get in the point of camouflaging how they really feel? yesterday as i saw some friends at their most enraged or at their saddest, i saw the older ones walking around with smiles on their faces - oblivious to those around them who just got crushed. how do they do that? i will keep on wondering and i do not think i will be able to find it out for myself. after this recent occurence, i am getting out of that door without looking back, without regrets. i know that four patient arms are waiting for me at the end of that door.
i guess i just came to a point of losing the faintest tick of faith in me. and that's coming from someone who is ready to stammer a welcome to a whole new world..

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Comments

The following comments are for "that hopeless anachronism"
by weepingwillow

willow's blog
those of us with a few more decades of life lived have experienced, over and over again, that the tether to upsurges of emotions eventually lets go and we are freed into a mellower space of our angst...
but yes, people being oblivious to others' feelings is always such a surprise, isn't it? It's like it's easier to laugh with someone laughing than to feel crushed with someone crushed. The contagion just ain't there...
Here's to believing, nay, knowing, that your "tick" of faith in yourself will grow into something a whole lot bigger and more noble!

Thank you for the sensitivity and the sensibility of this!
Lucie

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: March 10, 2011 )

Pay attention first
You ask many questions in this blog, and questions are good. They are also good questions that you ask (of yourself) and it is psychologically healthy to look for answers to those questions.

That means you are observant and are capable of paying attention. The key to that, don't pay much attention to things that are not worth noting. In other words, don't waste you time trying to find answers where, once you find the answers, there is no positive result in your effort.

You are on the verge of realizing that in life there are many, many people whose purpose seems to be to drag others down. I have worked with people who make themselves look good by making others look bad. I no longer work there, and quickly discounted these people as "friends".

So, keep asking, keep writing, keep looking for answers, but do all of this with a forward outlook on things --- and look in the mirror often.

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: March 17, 2011 )

Runaway train.
Willow...while I admire the content of your piece, I really couldn't enjoy it as I was so distracted by the lack of structure in the basic rules of writing.

I don't know what they are teaching in English class these days, but the use of the small i is a red flag for me,as is the lack of double spacing after paragraphs, and the way each sentence just seems to run on one after the other.

It is like a runaway train, anxious to get to it's destination, but oblivious of the safe and accepted way of going about it.

Rules are always there for a reason. Keep writing!

Bea

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: March 17, 2011 )

welcome to a whole new world..
This last few words, I think, is crucial in reading this, it is a new world, the youth of today are bringing it about even as we speak.

(and, I did not know there was any bad Vodka??? LOL")

It is engulfing and re-shaping North Africa and the mid-east right now.

Anyone remember ealiest word processors??? It was type as fast as you can and do notg stop for anything, no not stop at the end of the line, keep it going, let the computer do its stuff.

And now we are here. We all know what i means, it means me mine etc, i love you, i like how this goes, and if you can't keep up with the raqpid changing of the Internet, you will become lost in the past.

me, i choose to ride along for the sheer growth and energy of all we are able to achieve in this lifetime. go for it, i am with you kids...the past is done, so just put it into the past where it bbelongs.

( Posted by: veebdosa [Member] On: March 18, 2011 )

Grandma's Rocking Chair.
I guess by your theory, Grandma better go back to the rocking chair and knit...your days in the sun are over!

Hell no...never owned a rocking chair and don't know how to knit!

But thanks for the advice!

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: March 18, 2011 )

Rock n roll wisdom...
ha ha Bea,iI got my granpaws rocking chair, over a hundrede years old, handed down to him.

May i suggest words of > brom a friend of mine, name of Bill Haley....

"git out in dat kitchen an rattle them posts and pans...."

( Posted by: veebdosa [Member] On: March 18, 2011 )

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