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When Alice Left Part 2

Hare:
As you know perfectly well we were made mad by god in just this perfect form and therefore we are done for. We can't evolve. (Begins to cry) Those who think are doomed. It can't be helped it is written. (Sob through the verse)
"If you're schtinking
From the thinking
Worry about the sinking
Don't do no blinking
'Cause while God's winking
He'll have you shrinking
From the fear of trying
There will be no changing
For those he made shtinking
From the thinking!"

Hatter:
Now! Now! …(Pats Hares head) Lets keep religion out of it. Let's get back to the solution.

Hare:
What's the point?

Hatter:
The point?

Hare:
The point dammit!

Hatter:
I, for one, don’t think the points going to be of much use. The solution on the other hand…

Hare:
Which hand? (Sniffing loudly)

Hatter:
The other one.

Hare:
We are clearly now at odds. Are we still talking about your solution?

Hatter:
No …that solution was vocational. We are discussing the practical solution pertaining to our current situation.

Hare:
As I have thought it out…now mind you I am at odds, and can't entirely trust me suppositions or conclusions, my conjectures or even my deductions I suspect my premise's are flawed, my speculations askew, and any hypothesis's I may present would totally miss the mark. In short there is no more room. That is to say …Alice came, things are a frightful mess, the brandy bottle is empty, and we are left in this sad desolate place. If we can't blame Alice then…there is no room.

Hatter:
No room?

Hare:
Exactly…we did it and we have come to the last setting and we are out of tea…and brandy and hope.

Hatter:
On the other hand.

Hare:
Which hand?

Hatter:
Pick one and let's get on with it. (Taking off his hat and brushing it with his forearm) You may in fact be right. And right is right and left is left. Wrong is wrong and a song is a song.

Hare:
I once knew a man with a hat in his hand
With a reason to stay sloshed all the time
He had a hare for a care to take anywhere
Where a solution might not bend his mind

Hatter:
That was quite good. (Hare stands and bows, sits down again) Do you know what happens to a Hatter in time? There are the years of learning just the right way. Then there is the long years of making hats, under proper supervision of course, in just the right way. And in the proper span of time one becomes a Master Hat Maker. You are then responsible for those below you that they make the hats in just the right way. You are called on personally to make the very best hats for the very best people. Then an extraordinary thing occurs, the solution so necessary for the making of hats as had it's way with you…and you begin to make extraordinary hats in entirely the wrong way. You see…the 'e' in extraordinary is taken is taken off the word 'made' leaving you quite mad.

Hare:
How droll (The hare claps, the Hatter stands and bows) I remember spring, a hare only has so many real springs …hopping about hither and yon seeking the attention of those of the fairer persuasion…love to us is as fleeting as it is variety…love heaped upon love for a season and the next and the next and the next…and then the spring will come when we don't hop any more we are earth bound and wistful…Just a dreadful yearning …only remembering each and every encounter…till we remember the very last one.

Hatter:
Have you come to it dear friend …should we make arrangements?

Hare:
It is close I fear. But arrangements won't help…even lovely bouquets will not make me one bit less sad.

Hatter:
Then we are doomed for I could not be left "one". We are not at odds dear friend.

Hare:
Good…but do you agree that we are most certainly doomed.

Hatter:
On one hand 'yes' on the other well…still yes (Starts crying which starts the Hare to weeping as well)

Hare:
We are tea-less and brandy-less and hopeless. (Both are bawling)

Enter Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee… they are emperious in manner acting put out by the crying. Both are wearing Napoleonic Hats, sash-ed and medal- ed to the point of silliness.

Tdee:
See hear… if you would but stop this display we could be about our business with you.

Tdum:
Yes… it's most unseamly-wise to come into an emotional outbreak and not be privy to its cause.

(The Hare and the Hatter are unable to settle down)

Tdee:
Oh my…both of you need to gather yourselves up…

Hare:
Ridiculous…we can't gather ourselves up for there most certainly (sniff) is only one of me and certainly only one of him. How in the unraveling world do you gather up …

Hatter:
It must (wipes nose with his sleeve) be trouble w-w-w-w-when these two show up it generally …

Tdee:
Admirals if you don’t mind.

Hare:
Admirals?

Tdum:
We want you two to be our generals.

Tdee:
Yes, Generals in the upcoming …that is shortly going to…

Tdum:
We are about to start a war.
(Both the Hatter and the Hare stare at them.)

Hatter:
it seems to me that you two were always about, and about, and about, some issue concerning …dare I say it?…A rattle.

Tdee:
(Screaming in fury) He has the rattle and refuses to give it to me. He knows perfectly well that I as the first born am entitled to it as my soul possession…and he lies and he ef-u-scates, oooo-ridgibates and desa-tates and other wise creates a condition equal to a mal-fuuuu-sin-ational abry-cation that is intolerable. (Sits on the floor in a huff)

Hare:
(To Tdum) Do you have it?

Tdum:
What?

Hatter: The Ef-u-scating rattle.

Tdum:
(whispering) Shhhh! I do have it…I just enjoy it so much when he does that.
(The Hatter and the Hare nod)

Hare:
Well it seems easy enough …give him back his rattle.

Tdum:
Oh…if only it was that easy…I've let it go to long now. Having it was fun because he would stomp around demanding and pleading. Having the rattle is no longer the issue …I have become insulted by the manner in which he begs and pleads. I no longer care about what he has or has not. (Loudly) I therefore officially deny that I possess the rattle.

Hare:
It's the even and odd thing…Alice…She talked to them. Tea…Brandy…War.

Hatter:
Seems a rather large jump.

Hare:
I choose not to be insulted by that…Jump indeed.

Tdum:
No…war is exactly what's needed. There is nothing more important than war.

Hatter:
Over a rattle?

Tdee:
(Standing) It's a very valuable rattle.

Hare:
So we are to be Generals and you are Admirals?

Hatter:
I see a problem… You two have no sea. We two have no armies. Rattle or no…I
think there will be no war . And we are left with the original dilemma no tea and no brandy.

Hare:
Did any one of you mention the rattle to Alice? (To the twins)

Tdum:
Maybe in passing.

Tdee:
We may have alluded.

Hare:
Before you met Alice were you congenial?

Tdee:
Oh indeed quite polite and congenial…dear me he is my brother.

Hare:
Even though you knew that one of you had the rattle?

Tdum:
Yes…we are both horrid pathofanatic liars, as well as being irresponsible, egocenentric,
delightful conversationalists, witty, moderately handsome, and completely suited to our profession.

Tdee:
We have the best credentials. (Reaches in his coat and pulls out a bottle of brandy, hands it to the hatter who grins opens it and drinks) And I think we can get this war on the right track.

Hare:
Have you told the queens?

Tdee:
The Queens are for …for whatever side wins.

Hatter:
The kings?

Tdum:
The Kings have always done best by agreeing with the Queens.

Hare:
(To the Hatter) My theory proven again. (Hatter nods and passes the bottle)

Hatter:
How's that, pray tell?

Hare:
Not faith my dear…but truth…The truth!

Tdee:
I for one am a firm believer in the truth. One cannot function with absurdities flying about…hither-skither…

Tdum: Oh indeed not…one could become unhinged …as it were.

Hatter:
"Tis either an objective truth or a subjective truth. I think that all there is …is subjective truths. And I do believe, my dear Generals…

Tdee, Tdum:
Admirals!

Hatter:
Thank you, it is an admirable thought …and true enough for this conversation.

Hare:
You must believe in something, I can't imagine believing in nothing.

Tdee:
That is close to blasphemy.

Hatter:
Follow me…(All stand up, the hatter is only adjusting his coat, and the others start to walk off stage) No, no sit please I meant follow my thinking. Truth must appear to be objective that way we are cozy and safe… no hithering and skithering about. But truth is much more evasive than we can tolerate.

Tdum:
Look here, I'm becoming quite angry at this talk. We have perfectly good priests and doctors taking quite good care of the truth. And we should be thankful they are there.

Hatter:
Oh I agree…but imagine how annoying it must be for the' truth' to be constantly made to be argued about and amended with each new turn of the sun. There are pesky things that are being found every day upsetting the apple cart. And those of us who are not priests or doctors are left to 'Believe' pretty much as we please. I'm little enamored of the objective truths.

Hare:
Too much memorization. History was my worst subject. I wasn't bad at math …1+1+1+1+1 equals in a good Spring a hundred…more if I wasn't too tired.

Hatter:
Tea …Brandy…Time for tea and brandy fine diddle dee dee…all good enough for me.

Hare:
We are all like great balloons adrift with tethered anchors grasping the ground where we can find any purchase. Where we are connected is the truth and then some great storm sends us aloft again…or we die and none of it maters…Except to hares and hatters…and Admirals too.

Tdee:
You have given me a headache.

Hatter:
My dears that is your job…see?…If too many have their tethers down and will not see the new objective truth you espouse either you must break the tethers with fine speech making and politics having them see their folly or cut them loose permanently! (Takes off hat and takes a swig of brandy.)
Silencing is the tool of the foolish and the mighty. Be it the machinations of one or the will of a nation 'tis a grand tool.

Hare:
My friend is mad, quite insane. And only a mad man could see the truth in it and he is right. Should we go to war over a rattle or is it the apple cart that’s been turned over and we have no one to blame?

Tdum:
It is far worse than I first believed my brothers. Alice has spread an insidious form of thought so insidious that the insidiousness of it is so insidious…

Tdee:
We can ill afford this insidious thinking to spread throughout the land. We must marshal our forces and perfect a plan to figure out the best way to fight this insidiousness.

Hare:
Good! Good! (Pacing) First hire a Marshall as you rightly suggested, then have
him eliminate any one thinking in an insidious way.

Tdum:
Good! Good! (Pacing) Then as the insidious thinking begins to spread, which of course it will , we will prepare for a real war.

Tdee:
Yes, One not over trivial rattles…you still have it…

Tdum:
Do not.

Tdee:
But a war based on the truest of ideals and precepts of faith inherent in the objective truth that the priests and doctors under our influence and command will write down as the Word of law . Oh …I shiver at the beauty of it.
(Hatter buffs his hat then takes another swig)

Tdum:
It is time for a new order. You hatter shall become not a General but the Minister of Truth.nAnd you Hare… Minister of the New Science.

Hatter:
Do I have to do anything?

Hare:
No silly…I'll make it up and you determine whether it's subjective or objective …you tell them …they tell the people. Whoever doesn't believe it is ruined or silenced by the Marshall. Do I have it right gentlemen?

Tdum &Tdee:
Exactly! And if another nation tries to tell us we are wrong in our thinking then It's war.

Hatter:
The Queens and Kings?

Tdum:
They have no time for thinking. This way they don't have to think at all …lord love a duck, they will love it. And the Queen of Hearts will relish the idea of silencing any one we send her.

Tdee:
Who shall be the Marshall?

Hare:
How about that sniveling, fat assed, two faced, addle-minded, cousin of mine the White Rabbit. He hasn't a thought of his own and any one we give him will suit him fine.

Hatter:
I am out of Brandy…and I believe it's time for tea.

Hare, Tdum, Tdee:
So it is, so it is.

Hatter:
Then lets be about finding some tea…or vodka…more brandy would be nice.
(All standing and leaving the stage)

Tdee:
You still have the rattle.

Tdum:
Do not.

Tdee:
Do too.

(curtain)



ken lehnig(c)2006


------
Why is doing what you love the hardest thing to do? Is it because failing what you thought defined you would be too devastating a thing from which to recover? If so, we stay where mere accident has left us.


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Comments

The following comments are for "When Alice Left 1 act"
by jonpenny

with a twist
Ken, A challenging play to write based on Lewis Carroll's original with your own twist. To make it your own but still maintain parts of the original is a balance. I believe the mention of 'no room for Alice', 'war' and the 'rattle' come from the original but you've switched it up a little. Is brandy something in the original or is that something you've introduced? However, I did google tea parties and found a recipe using apricot brandy to put on your own MadHatter Tea Party. http://www.vancouversun.com/life/throw+Hatter+party/2636601/story.html

I loved the poetry that the Hare recites. I think that's a real strength-- also in the original. Could other characters use rhyme too? However, is it just me or is the manner the Hare and MadHatter speak very similar to each other? Almost interchangeable at times? They challenge each other resulting in some good repartee.

I enjoyed the sophisticated humor and the flow. Kudos, Sandra

( Posted by: sandra [Member] On: March 9, 2011 )

with a twist
hank you Boss. Brandy I added in - a show of progression from tea as a stimulant and brandy as a bracer - to vodka to numb. I wouldn't presume to analyze Carroll but it seems to be two forms of insanity .The one being the mercury infused Hatter and the other a victim of March induced hormones - was Carroll suggesting that madness in all its forms are similar? How would two mad folks talk to each other? Thanks for the thumbs up = it means much!
ken

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: March 9, 2011 )

Hatter and hare
Thank you Lucie - A little look in my mind. ;)

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: March 11, 2011 )

of madness..
For some reason, Lit's drsoos came to mind..

sling on..

salute

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: March 12, 2011 )

mad hatter
Missed your comment. Yeah I miss the Doc. Thanks for stopping by my friend.

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: March 19, 2011 )

Rattled my cage
Ken,

I really liked this. I'm sorry I didn't get to it sooner. No notes or anything from this time, this was very well done. I've said it once and I'll say it again my friend, you make it look easy.

Dave

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: March 25, 2011 )

2 Dave
Thanks! I am glad you enjoyed it - fun to write!
ken

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: March 29, 2011 )





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