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10MattS
10VickieSALT

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Forgive me not, you aint deserviní.
My sins pale in comparison
to your betrayal and lies
hidden behind enemy lines.

Forgive me not, you aint deserviní.
My faults in your vanity dwell,
corroded and blurred,
justified by your villainous ways.

Forgive me not, you aint deserviní.
My wickedness sweet as celestial bliss
shines bright in the absence of you.
Forgive me not, for I aint askiní.




------
I am on a journey. Looking for Me. Everyday I get a little closer. The more time goes by the more I realize I'm always changing. This journey could take forever... Renae L. Soler


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Comments

The following comments are for "Aint - A four letter word"
by nae411

Nae is not asking
We don't deserve anything. What we are worthy of is the question, whether it be a raise, respect, or forgiveness. This is a nice twist on that idea.

Reminds me of that song, otherwise known as, "Forget You."

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: March 4, 2011 )

well written
Well worth repeating, and today is a very relevant part of our social behaviour. Well put, and these few lines could easily be adapyted to many styles and forms. Great work.

( Posted by: VeeBdosa [Member] On: March 4, 2011 )

ain't
Ain't this a shiny thing.
A poem with a too-true sting
Verse here that clever ring
For the lucid words you bring!
Loved it!

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: March 4, 2011 )

Emancipated Woman!
Stick to your guns Nae...he "aint" deserving!
Sounds like your journey is almost through!

Love ya,
Bea

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: March 4, 2011 )

Aint it wonderful
Nice touch of "forget you".

"My wickedness sweet as celestial bliss
shines bright in the absence of you."

That is a solid punch to the jaw, prefectly placed.

Nicely done Nae. This has a nice patina to it.

BW

( Posted by: BWOz [Member] On: March 4, 2011 )

okay ...
I've read this countless times .. enjoy it so much Nae .. comes across sincerely .. yet not severely .. I wonder how you manage that?

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: March 5, 2011 )

Thank you!!
I had a time with this I tell you! Just so damn angry about things from the past that are better to just leave alone. I guess frustration got the best of me here. I really appreciate the comments, didn't know if this would be well received or not!

Hugs,
Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: March 5, 2011 )

naes heart attack
A little bit heart on sleeve the ryhme is off the verse to stilted
LIKE A window we dont need
However the whole is better than the parts
The last line worked just
L2 IN verse 2 nice
Overall 3/10
Just a little bit more thought and less vitriol
and this could be very good
G.
As allways just my opinion for what its worth

( Posted by: Gordon [Member] On: March 26, 2011 )

Dinner at Tiffanies
Well, thank you for the hug, Nae, but I usually reserve that for after our after dinner cocktails and mints. hint hint
Ronnie

( Posted by: VeeBdosa [Member] On: March 27, 2011 )

Gordon and Ronnie
Well thank you Gordon, and I agree with you on almost everything except, laughing this is NOT a rhyming poem! I had to re-read it to see where you got that idea and noticed the one "not on purpose" rhyme. Wow you must of read it and said this girl has been sipping on the goose! As always I love that you stopped by! Hugs to you young man!

Oh Ronnie, Hugs can and should be had through out the dinner, especially if we are meeting at Tiffany's! Thank you for stopping in!

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: March 28, 2011 )

Tori discovers Nae
"My wickedness sweet as celestial bliss
shines bright in the absence of you."
-i re-examine my indiscretions. I refuse to throw away my hedonism. I do not repossess the kindness I have bestowed on goofy men...I want to add to your wickedness...Nae - I want to crawl to you ...

( Posted by: VickieSALT [Member] On: April 4, 2011 )





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