Many thanks to you too Abel .. I was so busy going .. EEEK!!! at my mistake I forgot to thank you! Everybody needs other eyes to aide and abet. Or is it aid and abet? Don't know .. don't want to trust myself either right now. heh heh
Cushions of shivering slate
This poem grabbed me with line 3. Gorgeous image. I'm afraid I'm generally with Lucie on the restructuring of the first stanza, and was going to suggest likewise until I saw that she already had :) I wouldn't break up 'absorbed the/greens'... but I would replace 'sported' - too sporty a verb for those slouching clouds.
'The sun encouraged more light upon the land' is the most hopeful line I've read all day. Lovely. ('Hate 40 below.' Amen!)
Posted by: MobiusSoul [Member] On: February 16, 2011
woke up this cloudy morning and decided to treat myself to some poetry...what a delight this is
Posted by: cmsmuse [Member] On: February 18, 2011
Mobius - at the Library poetry reading I was invited to last night - the other poet and I got talking about 'free'/'blank' verse and I brought up the line break thing. She really couldn't give me a satisfactory answer on what the 'rules' are for such poetry. So, I'm at a loss as to why one or the other edit suggestion has merit.
Re: sported .. I used that word because I saw the clouds as a bunch of young blokes .. loitering .. watching the world go by .. indolent .. thought of those scalloped fringes like turned up collars .. hence .. sported .. which made total sense to me because of what I saw. I do agree though that there might be a better word .. even for young hooligan clouds
Tina - I wouldn't have gone looking for this if I hadn't read your poem which I enjoyed very much.