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The morning clouds loitered
slouched against the hills
scalloped cushions of shivering slate
they absorbed the greens
sported fringes of blush

Above them, in limbo:
The sun encouraged more light upon the land.


but that was yesterday
and today
there's snow on the horizon.

Penelope Allen
January 26 2009
[edited 12/02/2011]

Author's Note:
Tina reminded me of this poem because of her own.


------
"Tigers bloom where there's oodles of room." Zodiac Zoo


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Comments

The following comments are for "Dawn"
by Pen

One word .... well maybe a few...
prodigiously captured. Awe.

( Posted by: pablowilliams [Member] On: February 15, 2011 )

of "Dawn"
I read as, "The sun encouraged.."..

imagery galore..strong pay-off

experience enjoyed

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: February 15, 2011 )

spot on Bobby!
Many thanks! I'll edit that immediately.

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: February 15, 2011 )

Abel
Many thanks to you too Abel .. I was so busy going .. EEEK!!! at my mistake I forgot to thank you! Everybody needs other eyes to aide and abet. Or is it aid and abet? Don't know .. don't want to trust myself either right now. heh heh

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: February 15, 2011 )

thank you Lucie ..
I can easily see where you are coming from but ... that's just not how I saw it .. does that make sense? Hope so.

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: February 16, 2011 )

U-turn
I appreciated the sudden change of direction toward the end. Made me smile.

( Posted by: manatee [Member] On: February 16, 2011 )

U Turn indeed
Yeah, I saw that first view while driving along the road early one morning in this beautiful corner of the world. Damn I'm one lucky Canadian! Hate the snow. Hate forty below.

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: February 16, 2011 )

Cushions of shivering slate
This poem grabbed me with line 3. Gorgeous image. I'm afraid I'm generally with Lucie on the restructuring of the first stanza, and was going to suggest likewise until I saw that she already had :) I wouldn't break up 'absorbed the/greens'... but I would replace 'sported' - too sporty a verb for those slouching clouds.

'The sun encouraged more light upon the land' is the most hopeful line I've read all day. Lovely. ('Hate 40 below.' Amen!)

( Posted by: MobiusSoul [Member] On: February 16, 2011 )

dawn
woke up this cloudy morning and decided to treat myself to some poetry...what a delight this is
thanks pen

( Posted by: cmsmuse [Member] On: February 18, 2011 )

Mobius/Tina
Mobius - at the Library poetry reading I was invited to last night - the other poet and I got talking about 'free'/'blank' verse and I brought up the line break thing. She really couldn't give me a satisfactory answer on what the 'rules' are for such poetry. So, I'm at a loss as to why one or the other edit suggestion has merit.
Re: sported .. I used that word because I saw the clouds as a bunch of young blokes .. loitering .. watching the world go by .. indolent .. thought of those scalloped fringes like turned up collars .. hence .. sported .. which made total sense to me because of what I saw. I do agree though that there might be a better word .. even for young hooligan clouds

Tina - I wouldn't have gone looking for this if I hadn't read your poem which I enjoyed very much.

( Posted by: Pen [Member] On: February 18, 2011 )

No Slouching Permitted
"...morning clouds loitered..."

G-R-E-A-T imagery! (And I've seen their speeding cousins as well.) Very well done, Pen. - Jim

( Posted by: JamesYoung [Member] On: February 18, 2011 )





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