I had a very strange dream last night. I won't go into detail, but trust me when I woke up I was wondering what put that into my head. They say your dreams mean something, don't they? That there is some way to study them and pull tangible thoughts or feelings from them? I obviously know nothing about the subject, but it would be quite interesting to learn about it.
You must login to vote
Thinking about this spawned a recollection about another time I had a dream that stood out in my mind. I just can't remember what it was about, but at the time I wanted to get on my computer and reflect on it but was just too dam tired. Thinking back, I'm sad I missed that opportunity to reach that deep state of mind where you can really piece things together. I think I've made some precise conclusions about why I had this dream, if there were any to begin with.
I'm not quite sure why I'm posting this, as I'm sure no one will read it but it's a way of writing without, work? Effort? I suppose writing is an outlet, whether I feel creative and adventurous (spawning my fantasy stories), or clear headed and thoughtful (such as pieces like this). I remember reading something Beatrice wrote somewhere, about how Lit was special. She joined a few other sites that were just full of people who wanted to pat themselves on the back for their writing and not really improve or be a part of the community. This kind of jolted through me, as I had to question whether or not I was part of such a crowd. I am hardly a part of the community we have on Litdotorg, sure I read and comment on a few pieces here and there, even know some members by name, but does that justify that I'm not a "wanna-be?"
Let's stop and take a second to think on that here. What exactly does that mean? It means people who aren't serious about writing, right? That doesn't do anything for my case either. I write when I get the inspiration, that itch that can't be scratched with anything other than a keyboard or a pencil (though you could certainly scratch yourself with those things, this is a metaphor. Or is it a simile? Second grade was such a long time ago). But as I was saying, does not writing everyday make me a "wanna-be?" I guess the thing is that I really wanna be, a good writer that is; don't we all?
In my case, sometimes I just feel lost staring at that blank page. I can't force myself to write, but I should certainly try more. There are just so many things I need to learn about my own story that I can't answer. I don't have the time (right now) to dedicate myself to research and fleshing out things so it makes sense to be read. To be honest, those who are waiting for more to this story or that story (though few you must be), I just don't know what the hell I am doing. I can plan it and know how I want things to go, but writing it is a different story. I can see it, but I just don't know how to write it.
It's easy to get lost in something else, like video games or a tv show. I just have so many interests and things I like to play, watch, and do that my personality is like a spinning multifaceted red diamond, each little precisely cut side representing something I enjoy. I'll start something and have tons of fun with it, and like that, the activity spins away from my life, not being able to touch it until the gem finishes it's revolution and that particular side is in front of me again. Maybe that gem will spin too fast and I won't ever see that same perfect side again, but such is life; and that is how my writing is. It comes and goes, so maybe I AM a wanna-be. I am taking one step at a time, and hopefully someday I will be lucky enough to have a career writing books. But first, another dream awaits me: being a soldier. Light laughter and sweet wine until we meet again.