Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

After getting the idea down, I felt like it needed some tuning. I took David's advice and tried to organize it. It is still evolving, so please feel free to suggest something that needs tinkering. Thanks for reading!

Yet another unfortunate event,
What error did I make there?
How many things can go wrong?
Was I destined to fail all along?

My foolish dreams are wrenched from my mind,
They become twisted statues of petrified stone,
Horrors forever frozen in mocking laughter,
Reminding me of every disaster.

The sun shines brightly,
Only to engulf my world in darkness,
False hope is the story of life,
A recipe filled with extra strife.

Does a demon fly above me,
To snatch away my golden trophy?
A comforting voice tells me not to worry,
Despite the reality before me,

I hesitate in fear,
How does one know when the real nightmare begins?
Is this is nothing compared to what lies ahead,
A sinister plot to put me to bed?

I'm lost in a confusing maze,
Itís much too dark in here, and
The very air permeates sorrow,
Will there be a tomorrow?

Two chilling words break the deathly silence,
Your move....


Related Items


The following comments are for "Indecision (revised)"
by HavocTheDemon

Havoc's Revisions
I'm honored you found my humble advice worthy of consideration. This flows much better in my head. I would make one more suggestion that you work a bit on the cadence, but other than that tiny little nitpick...

A home run my friend,


( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: October 22, 2010 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.