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9

(3 votes)


RatingRated by
10JetfireK
7jonpenny
10VeeBdosa

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Last night wasn't the same
Last night i made you cry, instead of laugh
For that you slammed the door on me
I wished that you'll come back
I wished that you'll forgive me
But you never came... you left me alone
I sat down on my knees, regretting, thinking of what i have said
I wish that i had followed you
I wish that i had followed you on my knees begging
Because my pride is you, your happiness
I have lost my pride the moment you left me alone in the dark
I should be left in the dark.. alone, I made my angel, my starlight cry
My heart is now missing, because I gave it to you to hold
I'll walk around the world kneeling, begging for your forgiveness
And if you give it to me, come back to me
I will hold you to me, to me closer than my heart and soul
Because you are the reason for me to live, to love
I hope for forgiveness, because i will never forgive myself..


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Comments

The following comments are for "Regrets"
by Sami93

Regrets......
Looks like you've done it again...What shall we call you? Mr Great? That Guy? It's him? Here he is? wow...you've got it...Let's see all of your writings...
A Thank you seems much like a void....C'mon Sami...post...

( Posted by: JetfireK [Member] On: October 20, 2010 )

HAHAHA!!!
I am still shocked that all of you are liking what I write!
Heh you know I wrote it in English class, it was boring and i saw that there is a competition by HeroCoMpLeX, and I just wanted to see if I am up for it..

( Posted by: Sami93 [Member] On: October 20, 2010 )

East has met West...at last
Another pair of 10s Sami. You write with a bold and exciting mixture of new world/old world charm in these 2 poems. This one calls to mind my very favorte 1 line ever, written by one of the rock masters, Mick Jagger, "Lose your dreams and you will lose your mind...." of course from Ruby Tuesday. This mixture of old and new is very similar to many such classic rock songs. At the same time you inject a touch of East and West that comes through very effectively.

( Posted by: VeeBdosa [Member] On: October 20, 2010 )

Regrets
For me this is a bit conversational - as if writing in a journal. It's good because it's clear and heartfelt. This kind of prose is well suited to songwriting because it's pain so easily shared. You have a gift for words and clarity I would love you to step out of your comfort zone and write with a more elevated poetic voice... universalizing the feelings and hurt. Good job keep writing.

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: October 20, 2010 )

Attention Def
Re: my remarks, it might mean more to you in knowing that I have a lot of trouble reading. The only book I have ever read to the last page was OLD MAN AND THE SEA. It took me a long time, and reading your poetry takes me a long time, I have to reallly concentrate and read several lines several times to get it. In your case, I do. Dyslexia runs in my family, but I don't know if this has anything to due withh it, I suspect it is more Attention defisite but my writing is nut affected. Anyway, keep writing stuff likej this, I love it and will labor over it whenI see Sami.

( Posted by: VeeBdosa [Member] On: October 20, 2010 )

Regrets worth a Penny
Jon, you don't have to step into anything...you got it....write the score and belt it out...we'll listen.....

( Posted by: JetfireK [Member] On: October 20, 2010 )

@Sami
I like this piece. I agree that it is a bit conversational but still, very nice work.

You directed me over here saying you wanted to take up the challenge, I assume this was because my song was titled "Songwriters Challenge".

The "Songwriters Challenge" is something that jonpenny hosts. He gives us a word set each month and we try to write a song around it. He posts the word set in the "Features" column at the begining of each month. This month the word set was "knock on my door".

I would enjoy seeing you take a shot at the "Songwriters Challenge". If the work I've read of your's thus far is any indication, I know that you'll knock it out of the park!

Much Love,

Dave

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: October 21, 2010 )





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