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Yet another unfortunate happening,

What error did I make this time?

How many things can go wrong,

Am I the common denominator?

The sun shines brightly, only to engulf the world in darkness,

Foolish dreams are wrenched from my mind,

They become twisted statues of petrified stone,

Horrors forever frozen in mocking laughter, vicious smiles filled with rows of

Does a demon fly above me, to snatch away the golden trophy that I so strive

I feel a struggle, a comforting hand with soothing words, against the hellish reality before me,

A strong arm reaches out to pull me from the dark void, do I dare take it?

What sinister plot does he have in mind?

How does one know when the real nightmare begins?

Maybe the deep pit of black fire is nothing compared to what lies ahead,

I am damned, lost in a confusing maze where the very air permeates sorrow,

Two chilling words break the deathly silence,

Your move…


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The following comments are for "Indecision"
by HavocTheDemon

Your Move
For me, the ending is what made this poem great. I like the aura of mystery that you left us with. It rounded out your metaphor very nicely I think.

I would take a look at the arrangement while editing, perhaps looking at dividing it into stanzas. I very wise and sage poet (AuldMiseryGuts) once told me that stanzas give the reader a slight mental pause between each image and allow for us, as readers, to give them each their just attention. This piece could benifit from this advice I think.

However, either way, I say again that the cliffhanger at the end, really brings home the feel of the Indecision that you promised us in the title. When I finished, all I could say!

Overall, I'd say you got a really good one here.

Epic win,


( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: October 18, 2010 )

Thanks for the advice David! I knew it needed some molding, I should break it up a bit so it reads better. Any advice on the wording? Does the length of some lines bother anyone? I'd love to hear what you think!

( Posted by: HavocTheDemon [Member] On: October 18, 2010 )

I think it's perfect.....Thank you...

( Posted by: JetfireK [Member] On: October 22, 2010 )

Risking Choking
we live and breathe
with every choice we make...
and choke when we vacillate

( Posted by: awhippingflame [Member] On: May 7, 2016 )

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