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I'm rolling, I'm spinning
catch me if you can.
I'm running, I'm screaming
what exactly is your plan?

So you know by now
that I've got a shameless heart
that needs a home.
So you think you've got all the
answers for it, honey?

Said you wanted to be
my everything, do you feel
my every feel?

And do you know that
I'd stop all these rantings
if you'd just hold me tight?

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The following comments are for "Scream of a Shameless Heart"
by Ari

Good Start
This is a good start to a poem, here. I like the enmeshing of bitterness with longing -- directed, of course, at the same object.

To revise, I'd suggest deciding what sort of poem this is and sticking with it. Is it meant to rhyme, or ist it free-verse (here it wants to be both)? Is it meant to have a loose structure, or do you wnat to convey something with the shape and proximity of your lines?

Hope to read more of your work soon!

( Posted by: manatee [Member] On: June 6, 2010 )

Shameless heart
Acknowledging the form's olio quality of the piece - I liked it. But like Manatee's comment I too was left wanting more!

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: June 6, 2010 )

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