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1/6/10

If I deduce, from what you say,
Of you grand state of loving claim
Then only this, perhaps I may:
You're young, or timid, or are lame.

A lack of prescence has you sore,
To now hold on by any strings
To what you fancy be allure,
But empty plates at dinner brings.

Easy took are half-wits and fools
By illusions from a beauty,
When they suspend all common rules
And claim love by rightful duty.



Sorry for the long delay for my part of the poetry challange, my computer/internet didn't feel like cooperating with one another blah blah blah. Hopefully if all runs smoothly, I'll post the rest of my poems within the next couple of days.


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Comments

The following comments are for "To a Young Man in Love"
by mj20300

mj20300
>>>...suspend all common rules
And claim love by rightful duty.

I like this part.

( Posted by: FeliciaStone [Member] On: February 21, 2010 )

mj20300
>>>...suspend all common rules
And claim love by rightful duty.

I like this part.

( Posted by: FeliciaStone [Member] On: February 21, 2010 )

Young man
I liked this - but look at it again. I'm a fan but I get so frustrated with your work, you have a great poetic sensibility ...it almost shines. It seems to me you just don't take that final look.
Loved these lines:
-To what you fancy be allure,
But empty plates at dinner brings.-

-By illusions from a beauty,
When they suspend all common rules
And claim love by rightful duty.-

Not so much these:
'Of {your} grand...'
'You're {young, or timid???} or are (you) lame.'???
'To now hold on by {any???}(name the kind of string) strings'
'Easy took(Easily taken) are half-wits and fools

This poem rocks in the Elizabethan manner, but look at it again and put a little polish on it.
Ken

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: February 25, 2010 )





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