Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
0.00

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

Sing me the song of my soul
Tell me the pain that brings
The inspiration I crave

Help me to find the fire
That burns behind my eyes
And takes my breath away

Sing me the song of my soul
And I will dance on the sun
My love for you burning

Let my candle shine bright
Let me run to the darkness
And light the way with my words

I will sing the song of my soul
A song to you Oh Lord
That lifts my spirits high

That through me your light
Will shine for those who need
To find your mercy and grace

My heart is blazing Oh Lord
The fire behind my eyes raging
You took my breath away


------
'But I don't want to go among mad people,' said Alice. 'Oh, you can't help that,' said the cat. 'We're all mad here.'
Lewis Carroll



Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "Fanning the Flames (A Writers Prayer)"
by HeRoCoMpLeX

Flames
For praise on high - may your words be carried up on Angel's wings. Very nicely done!

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: February 18, 2010 )

@Ken
Thanks for commenting. Do me a favor with this one...break it down a little for me. Do I need some improvement here? Good points? Bad points? Hit me with it my friend.

The truth is that I'm a little shaky on this one. I almost didnt post it at all cause I thought it was garbage. LOL, not the content, but just...I don't know, it felt kinda sing-songish to me. It feels...childish? I guess that might be close. What I mean is it read like a child wrote it. Does that make any sense? Ugh, I'm rambling, anyway, you'd be helping me out a bunch if you give me a little more feedback and help me work shop this one.

Thank you so much Ken,

Dave

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: February 18, 2010 )

Praise
A prayer is a personal thing. I would imagine that David would spend hid Kingly evenings writing songs that were as true and revealing as he was able. Have a look at Psalms for inspiration. When I write praise music I try to be as vulnerable and open as I am able - I think you have done that here. So any opinion offered is just that.

Okay. You could open up your language a bit - look in yourself and see if there is more to say, or a more revealed way to say it.

Sing me the song of my soul
(Lord, sing for me your song for my soul)
Tell me the pain that brings
(Give words to the pain that brings)
The inspiration I crave
(The grace and inspiration I crave)

(like this?)
Help me to find your fire
Held Impassioned behind my eyes
burning hot,takes my breath away

Sing me the song of my soul(Lord)
And I will dance on the sun
My love for you burning (aflame?)

Here are some ideas - but really simple is good - I have to work at simple. Don't overwork it. As a Quaker friend often told me 'Don't spend time praying to God , be still and let God pray you!'
Bless you my friend.

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: February 18, 2010 )

Giving praise to the Lord.
David...as one who (I am told) writes in a childish manner sometimes when I am carried away with emotion...we are ALL children when we pray to God...for we ARE his children! So don't worry about that...you're not writing a red hot love song here!

Simple (in my opinion) is always best when giving praise to the Lord.

Keep on doing just that!

Bea

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: February 18, 2010 )

Feeling the Heat
Very nice. You've not heard from me before & I hope it''s okay to jump in here, but I agree with all the commenters. I'm trying to improve in poetry writing myself and I'm certainly no expert, but what I like, just as a personal preference, is rhyming (not excessive) and not always at the end of lines. To a great extent you did what I like most, and there's one instance in your piece that could be repeated more, in my view ... which is rhyming in the middle of a line, as you did with:

Let my candle shine *bright*,
Let me run to the darkness
And *light* the way with my words.

OUTSTANDING! I'd try for more of this ... again, though, not to excess. Maybe every 2nd stanza?

I'd also try to add one more stanza, I think, making it an even number.

Thanks for letting me comment.

( Posted by: fritzwilliam [Member] On: February 18, 2010 )

@Ken, Bea, and Fritz
Ken: Thank you so much for taking the time to go over this with me. I don't know why I'm so...uncomfortable with this one. I feel like I'm in a bit of a rut with my poetry. Itís all starting to sound the same to me. So I decided to write about something I had not written about before. You know, push myself out of my comfort zone. Thanks for lending me your wisdom here.

Aunt Bea: My preacher growing up used to talk to us about having a "child-like faith" so I know what you mean. Thank you for the feedback and the kind words. BTW, I'm going to go over and post a late entry on your thread as soon as I'm done here. I must have missed it but I've got a perfect one that I wrote when I was like sixteen. Itís deliciously sappy and I think you will get a kick out of it. ;)

Fritz: You're right, you have not commented on anything of mine before and I thank you for this comment. Please, feel free to read and give me feedback on anything I've posted so far or anything I will post in the future. I'm always preaching about the virtues of constructive criticism so never fear that I will not want it.

Thanks to all for helping me workshop this one!

Much Love,

Dave

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: February 21, 2010 )

Fanning the Flames
You know that I am moved by what you write, and the ability that you have to make words come alive. And sometimes when my faith is tested I know that there is someone out there who can solidify my shaking ground with his words and his beliefs.
That said, I'm not sure this is you in this work. It sounds forced and some what disconnected compared to what I am used to from you, and I can't help but wonder what are you afraid is going to come out on that paper if you don't stay guarded and in control of your muse.
I am not saying that there isn't anything to this, because I agree with jonpenny look inside again because I think there is more that is waiting to be said.
........................and I'll be eagerly awaiting the chance to read it and find out what it is.
Always
Heather

( Posted by: trynfinity [Member] On: March 7, 2010 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: