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Power works wonders
Catching all old, angry frogs
Love purges hatred

------

















"Every person who knows how to read has it in their power to magnify themselves, to multiply the ways in which they exist, to make life full, significant, and interesting"
[Aldous Huxley]


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The following comments are for "POND"
by Vajrayana

@ vajrayana
It's been awhile since I've had the pleasure to read and respond to anything on lit, and today I'm starting with your piece.

You follow the perfect haiku form: 5-7-5.

I love the last line: "Love purges hatred."
I like the first line: "Power works wonders."
The middle line, however, makes me scratch my head.

I think I see what you're trying for here, and correct me if I'm wrong: the metaphor of the frogs is a one for hatred, and the "power" spoken of is love, which overcomes hatred.

I'm wondering (and I LOVE to tinker with people's work) if "romance" could be substitued for "power," and if "men" could be substituted for "frogs."

Then, we have a haiku that reads:

Romance works wonders
catching all old, angry men
Love purges hatred.

Of course, by doing that, we have nothing of nature in the haiku.

Play with it some more. You have a powerful haiku lurking beneath the surface. Beatrice has instilled a love for the form in my heart.

Ochani

( Posted by: OchaniLele [Member] On: February 1, 2010 )

POND: Senryu hybrid not Haiku, Ochani
Ochani,

Though the syllable count is in traditional haiku form, and the title POND conjures images of water and frogs, those things found in nature, this is not a haiku, nor about nature.

This is what I call a Senyru hybrid, holding both aspects of traditional Haiku, yet like a Senyru the subject of nature is but metaphor for more complex word play and sub-meaning, extending to statements of political overthrow and religious extremisms, revolutions, overthrow of the status quo, mundane realities and dramas, possibly deeper esoteric realizations or even humour?

Thank you for your astute observation and dissection of the first and third lines. You've came very close to what I had in mind, concerning the meaning of love. Power has a more complex place here, though you've touched upon one aspect of its meaning.

The middle line that left you scratching your head is metaphor for community, thus the title
"POND" for that is where one surely finds all kinds of life forms, including all kinds of frogs, which in this case are not frogs at all, but actual humans, not all of the humans in this POND are necessarily of the male gender.

This Senyru is for each reader to glean what they will from the POND. Thank you for taking the time to read and tinker here.


Vajrayana



( Posted by: Vajrayana [Member] On: February 1, 2010 )

Guess what?
I didn't even notice the title!

Ochani

( Posted by: OchaniLele [Member] On: February 1, 2010 )

no title in traditional haiku
I'm certainly not an expert, but I have heard it said that traditional haiku do not have titles? I shouldn't have put all caps to my title of POND, sometimes less is more. Lesson learned. Thank you for pointing that out. A scream may be loud, but it is easy to get annoyed by it's overwhelming shrillness. A whisper always catches the ear of the truly interested.

Vajrayana

( Posted by: Vajrayana [Member] On: February 2, 2010 )

RE: POND
An enjoyable piece; what came to mind was the image of a frog in a pond, whereby the water temperature was rising - while being indifferent to the world around it and unable to see its impending doom; nicely done.

--Joe Breunig
Reaching Towards His Unbounded Glory

( Posted by: jjbreunig3 [Member] On: February 4, 2010 )

POND: jjbreunig3 (doomed to change)
jjbreunig3,

Doomed? Perhaps as in doomed to change? A transformation was inevitable by the very nature of the anger that swept through the hearts of these "frogs", it is plural not singular. The "frogs" were indifferent to the power that would overcome their world as they had known it. Love purged hatred and the pond(community) was cleansed. There is indeed great heat that arises in anger and in love!

Thank you for reading and your feedback. It is always interesting to me how individuals will glean different meanings from the same writing. That is the glory of poetry.

Vajrayana

( Posted by: Vajrayana [Member] On: February 4, 2010 )

Power
Yes.
Power works wonders.
Alas, you can never be over-cautious around power.
For power corrupts more than anything that has ever evolved.
You know what came to my mind when I read this neat piece:
Lord of the Rings - no less !
Thanks for sharing this series.
Well-done.
Best
W

( Posted by: waelnawara [Member] On: February 10, 2010 )





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