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(I wrote this in 2004 and I was not so pleased with it. So I attempted to revamp it and see if it is better this time.)

I am with him
Legs wrapped around his waist
Back against the wall
Feeling so weak
He called out another name
"Who the hell is she?"
"I said your name baby"
Is what he said to me

Im watching television
Interrupted by the sweet nothings in my ear
We're ear and neck nibbling
I see a dark hickey on his neck.
"What is that a hickey?"
"It's a bruise baby"
Is what he said to me

I am cooking his favorites
And he wraps his arms around my waist
I turn to hug him
I see lipstick on his collar
"Whose lipstick is on your collar?"
"Yours I didnít wash it"
Is what he said to me

Kissing, begging, needing
Holding himself
Horny, horny, horny
There's a burning, smelly, discharge
"You gave me an STD?"
"It's not from me"
Is what he said to me

Soft music playing
curtains drawn, Champaign
His clothes on the lawn, doorbell ringing
"I didn't mean to hurt you baby!"
"I have company!"
He must dont know bout me!

Everything I do, I do with passion. Come join me and see what I can do with words!

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The following comments are for "Denial"
by DBurke

Just a cad! Kinda has the makings of a blues song.'what he said to me' Very nice storytelling here. Good job!
If you wouldn't mind - could I use 'What he/she said to me' as the Song Challenge word set this month? I think that would be a great word set.
Bless you!

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: January 28, 2010 )

Thanks Jonpenny
Thank you for your feedback! Of course you can use it! I can not wait to see the results when you are finished!

( Posted by: DBurke [Member] On: January 28, 2010 )

Very good and heartfelt poem. Like the other poster said, it would make a very good blues song.

( Posted by: speed_addiction [Member] On: January 30, 2010 )

that end line reads like a much deserved kick in the bollocks. great inversion from victim to avenger. nicely done.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: January 30, 2010 )

Very much enjoyed.....And nicely the ending too.


( Posted by: MTMarshall [Member] On: January 31, 2010 )

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