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You know, you are always secure in your knowledge of a parents love, right? You think that though they may be bitches and bastards at time, they still love you. A stupid thing like what happened wouldn't cause that to go off track. All I ask for back is my naive innocence. Happy go lucky. Please. Sure I'm not a new born babe, but there are always some things you cling to, no matter how old you get, right? I cried for an hour and a half. I still can't stop. I've got it down to choked sobs every once in a while, and no one can hear me. I don't want anyone to hear me. I went for a walk in the forest, looked into the stream at my reflection, comtemplated suicide. Seriously. Everything has been thrown into chaos, and I can't fix it. All I can do is paste on a happy smile and pretend that everything is ok. ok. ok. why not? But its an act... its always an act. The grimace on my face looks somewhat like a grin, right? Oh, it dosen't? Then could you atleast pretend for me, believe in my lies? Just for tonight. I can deal with the rest of it tomorrow, but tonight I simply can't. Pray to the gods that it will all turn out alright again - I can't tell anyone, wouldn't want to have social services knocking at my door again. I turn to you in desperation - you can't tell, you can never tell. There are no bruises, no marks - I was afraid there would be, that would be pretty hard to explain - but there are such huge wounds opening, and the scars will be there forever. I still can't belive it, and as another salty tear rolls down my cheek, I touch it in wonderment, still unable to accept what happened. But the tears won't stop, they keep coming and coming and coming, and my head is reeling with the notion that another childish belief has been torn down around my ears. Childish belief, but I needed it. I needed it. It was part of my protection against the world, and now even that is gone.


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The following comments are for "And I Can't Stop Crying"
by diason

checking
just checking something

( Posted by: diason [Member] On: June 6, 2002 )





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