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my candle burns low
if at all

lazy swirls of smoke
like the cigarette
i’m not supposed to be smoking

antiquated ideas
of a misspent youth

hero named and hero called
not to me
the title misplaced

what mantel then
shall I wear
not yet father
no more a child

misbegotten faith
in me is placed
a tiny ember
glowing

set it aflame

watching and waiting
when action
speaks loudest


------
'But I don't want to go among mad people,' said Alice. 'Oh, you can't help that,' said the cat. 'We're all mad here.'
Lewis Carroll



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Comments

The following comments are for "Sparks"
by HeRoCoMpLeX

Ignite, ignite
self reflecting and brutally honest. You maintain your focus despite the downs and all the useless days spent- a very telling piece this. Resolved and ready for action. You rouse ones spirit with this piece. Thank you!

( Posted by: pablowilliams [Member] On: January 22, 2010 )

Thanks to Pablo
This is the first poem I've posted in a long time. I'm glad that you liked it my friend. You also caught the "rousing" at the end for which I am grateful. Thank you for the kind words.

Dave

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: January 23, 2010 )

fantastic!
you know what reading this tells me? it tells me you’ve practiced your craft and applied the lessons you’ve learnt so far and really grown as a writer. you have every reason to be proud of this piece, Dave, it’s one of your strongest works, I think…

the opening five lines provide an evocative and striking image, visual bones on which to hang the emotional meat of the piece. the wry, self deprecating “like the cigarette /
i’m not supposed to be smoking” also adds texture, a breath of sad easily relatable humanity…

“misbegotten” is an underused word and it works for you here…

you extend and round off your metaphor well. really nicely executed. well done.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: January 24, 2010 )

2 Shannon
You are always inspiring my friend. I wish you could have seen the huge grin that broke on my face. Kudos from you mean a great deal to me. My life is in transition right now and I hope that this peice speaks to that. My Army career is up in the air, I'm taking on new responsiblites at home, and I have a baby on the way just to name a few. I've posted no new poetry in a long time and was very nervous about this one. Thank you for the kind words.

Much Love,

Dave

P.S. Did you get that PM I sent you with my email in it? I'm looking forward to reading that 1000 words you wrote in regard to that question I asked you.

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: January 25, 2010 )

Sparks
Diggin' deep and keepin' it real Dude. An adroit and honest self examination - one of your best!

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: January 25, 2010 )

2 Ken
Thank you for the kind words. Like I told Shannon I was really nervous about this one. It does my heart good to see it well recieved. I'm honored you stopped by my friend!

Much Love,

Dave

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: January 25, 2010 )

Dave
afraid I didn't get the PM. I seem to be having real problems with it at the moment. maybe try it again, or post the address in comments. I think it could be deleted once I've got it, if you're worried about leaving it up.

( Posted by: AuldMiseryGuts [Member] On: January 25, 2010 )

Shannon...again
Alright, I sent it PM style again. If you don't get it this time, I'll post it as a comment. Let me know. Thanks!

Dave

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: January 25, 2010 )

no more a child
While I may not have been a member of this site for some time, I have actually read some of your posts. And, as I see it, anyone Shannon likes is always worth a looksee.

Your writing reminds me of Charles Bukowski. He had that smoky-lounge, next-whore-please air about him. Not that you're into the latter. This particular post reads like a dissolution of all things already broken down. Has a disparate feel that can only come from real life experience. And it's all tied up neat with a ribbon of hope.

Bukowski aside, I can imagine this being read by Allan Ginsberg.

Cool avatar.

( Posted by: toscano [Member] On: March 1, 2010 )

@ toscano
Thank you for reading. Shannon and Ken have been my "yodas" since I joined last August. (Although Ken hates it when I say that. ;) I'd be interested to hear anything you had to say about any of my other work if had the time. I'm constantly work-shopping.

I know who Allan Ginsberg is. What an honor you've given this humble word slinger.

I'll admit to ignorance of Charles Bukowski. When I read this I broke out the old googler and gave him a look. All I can say is wow. Thank you for bringing this man to my attention. He has a loose and easy style that I love. I was trying (and probably failing) to write like him and didn't even know it.

The "next-whore-please" thing cracked me up. I'm still chuckling about it. Thank you for the wonderfully kind words. I look forward to returning the favor on some of your work. I saw something from you on the front page which I will be reading directly. Thanks again,

Much Love,
Dave

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: March 3, 2010 )

Sparks
I see so much in this work, so much more emotion dripping from every word. Yet never given a true voice. Leaving each reader to somehow carry a bit of themselves into their minds eye while reading. And still connecting to that part of you that this came from at the same time.
Once again the picture painted to perfection only this time you I feel find a way to sync those thoughts with the readers making each read a unique picture they alone are apart of.
Neat talent by the way!! Look forward to reading more soon.
Heather

( Posted by: trynfinity [Member] On: March 7, 2010 )

Sparks
I just want to say I like this. It's so rich with so few words. Unless, of course, you're haikoo-koo for caca. You are saying it while leaving something to be imagined. This is poetry at it's finest in my opinion, sEñoR pLeX.

( Posted by: TheTesticularPrancer [Member] On: May 27, 2010 )

@The Rev
I've not seen you around in a while my friend, I was shocked when I went into the ole email and found that you had commented. Thank you so much for the praise. I am truly honored.

I will begin a search now to see if you have posted anything new. I love your work...(HINT...post something new!) :D

Dave

( Posted by: HeroComplex [Member] On: May 28, 2010 )





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