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Day 4 1/4/10

When we depart I shall not grieve
But take comfort in your shed tear,
When with embrace I do but leave,
And take your voice in night to hear.

When we depart, when I depart,
I do not think of what I left,
But gain what you on me impart-
To slumber born, now fully deft!

All voyage sailed, all lands traversed,
All ports are centered by your grace!
Whichever corner Beauty burst,
First met upon that brow and face.

How shall I take you on return
With my aged face still lively young?
When I depart, let not me yearn,
I hear from all your maiden tongue.

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The following comments are for "When We Depart"
by mj20300

Fast track poetry? Not bad - archaic language is kinda cool - a few grammar issues - if you write like this you have to be careful of syntax.
1st st. last line 'voice in ( maybe -'this')night to hear' 2 st. last line - deft? Plural on 'Voyage(s)'
Good job!

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: January 7, 2010 )

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