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Tara sat on the edge of her bed after a long day of work. She leaned over to unlace her shoes when she glanced at a picture of her ex-boyfriend on her nightstand. She and her ex broke up a week ago, he forgot her birthday. She leaned over and picked the picture up. The picture was a still proposal of her ex kneeling down on one knee with a life savor in a jewelry box. Tara giggled as her thoughts flashed back to that day. "What a goofball" she mumbled as she put the picture back into its place.
Tara's mind swirled, as she thought about calling her ex and patching things up. “If I call him first, he'll think he's out of the deep!" Tara stared at the picture on her nightstand. "What the heck!" She thought aloud. She reached into her bag, which rested next to her on the bed, and pulled out her cell phone. All she had to do is hit talk, since his number was the only number she dialed.
The phone rang, and rang, no answer. Tara became angry. In her selfish little way, she felt he should be available whenever she needed him to be.
Tara dialed the number again. The phone rang and rang and stills no answer. Tara's imagination took over and she accused him in her head of cheating with some gorgeous babe. That was not the case, as he watched her from his side of the realm. He reaches out for her, but could not touch her. He saw her, but she could not see him. The warping portal faded in and out, his time in between worlds was running out. He had to reach out and say good bye. Tara nor no other of the flesh knows of his accident. His body laid cold and disfigured from a long accidental fall down his basement stairs

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The following comments are for "The Unknown (Revised)"
by DBurke

Fleeting Glimpse?

The first part grabbed me, kept my interest and I was eager for more.

The second part from 'That was not the case.....
started well but left me a little disappointed with the sudden end.

I would have loved to have seen a papagraph about the same length as your first part from HIS perspective. Possibly placing him in the room with her and failing to get acknowledged even though he was so close. A sting in the tail could have beeen a fleeting glimpse or sudden uneasiy feeling on her part, then lost forever and not understanding the link?

Maybe I'm too close to the subject or just desperate for more of your imagination?


( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: December 3, 2009 )

transistion, getting from one time/place to another time/place and perspective is an art in itself. I think if you work on this aspect at the ending, changing perspective, you will have another winner here. Nice writing.

( Posted by: veebdosa [Member] On: June 16, 2010 )

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