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9HavocTheDemon
9jonpenny
9pablowilliams

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She sat as tender as the night,
Next to me on the train,
And as the sun had risen light
T'was her reflection feign.

By the windows streaming quickly-
All the things that made thee-
Farmlands, streams, and mountains briskly,
From fog gave you to me.

By the valley's that adore you,
Through sweet scents of morning,
As the light shone of verder true,
'Tis your aspects awning.

Your eyes observed with grander fair,
Too much, too few, enough,
The envy of the world's stare,
But smiled on the ruff.

Your hair of gold did sway with zest,
Gave back the sun its sight,-
While by gentle heaving of your breast
Life moved, the day had fight.


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Comments

The following comments are for "To a Girl On a Train"
by mj20300

to be honest...
i thought the old fashion language took away from your fine poem. i believe that if you rewrote this in modern language it would be a Great poem. A Great poem.

( Posted by: johnjohndoe [Member] On: November 15, 2009 )

Conjuring up Shelly & Keats!
Mj...on the contrary...this is poetry at its best!

This is what poets strive for (or should) to emulate the literary masters that came before us, and to keep standards high!

Modern poetry is ok for the masses (some of whom do quite well, I'm sure (Billy Collins et al.)And less talented people...myself included...who wish they could follow the legends but don't have the talent.

It's like telling kids today to shrugg off Beethoven and Handel etc. etc and their timeless legacy, to just listen to Rap!

You go MT!

Bea

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: November 15, 2009 )

Beatrice Boyle
Thank you for your kind words. I'm going through a Byron phase right now(don't really know if I could call it a phase because I've been a fan of his for some time) but I've been trying to mimic his writing. I do agree that we should strive to be as great as those that came before us while we keep our own style. In keeping standards high, this is true also though I think through language this could be done by imitating the Romantics because they wrote on issues that drive human beings-love, happiness, etc.-in a style that plays at the strings of all people. As far as you not being talented, I'm sure it's not true. Keats thought himself a failure when he died. Thank you again for the compliments. Now we need a tie breaker haha.

( Posted by: mj20300 [Member] On: November 15, 2009 )

johnjohndoe
Thank you for your time in reading my poem. I don't generally write in modern verse solely because I think it's too basic, too blunt, and elemantary. This is not to take away from the poets that write in modern language. I think the thought of what you write is only half of the actual thing written, the other half is the language. There's only so much that modern language can show and make a reader feel. I just believe that the language and style that I use allows me to express my emotions in a more succinct manner and make my reader feel what I'm going through. Everyone speaks according to their own manner, as the saying goes.

( Posted by: mj20300 [Member] On: November 15, 2009 )

Development
To each his own, but this is wonderful!

Thanks.

( Posted by: pablowilliams [Member] On: November 15, 2009 )

Trains; I love this one, hope you do too.
Speaking of trains,your poem (strangely enough) reminded me instantly of this great piece by William Carlos Williams;
(train reference i guess :) )


Overture to a Dance of Locomotives

"Men with picked voices chant the names
of cities in a huge gallery: promises
that pull through descending stairways
to a deep rumbling.

The rubbing feet
of those coming to be carried quicken a
grey pavement into soft light that rocks
to and fro, under the domed ceiling,
across and across from pale
earth colored walls of bare limestone.

Covertly the hands of a great clock
go round and round! Were they to
move quickly and at once the whole
secret would be out and the shuffling
of all ants be done forever.

A leaning pyramid of sunlight, narrowing
out at a high window, moves by the clock:
disaccordant hands straining out from
a center: inevitable postures infinitely
repeated--
two--twofour--twoeight!
Porters in red hats run on narrow platforms.
This way ma'am!
--important not to take
the wrong train!
Lights from the concrete
ceiling hang crooked but--
Poised horizontal
on glittering parallels the dingy cylinders
packed with a warm glow--inviting entry--
pull against the hour. But brakes can
hold a fixed posture till--
The whistle!

Not twoeight. Not twofour. Two!

Gliding windows. Colored cooks sweating
in a small kitchen. Taillights--

In time: twofour!
In time: twoeight!

--rivers are tunneled: trestles
cross oozy swampland: wheels repeating
the same gesture remain relatively
stationary: rails forever parallel
return on themselves infinitely.
The dance is sure."

( Posted by: pablowilliams [Member] On: November 16, 2009 )

Medieval Poets
So beautiful! This reminds me of the medieval poets, especially the cavaliers who wrote to their ladies.

-Aubri

( Posted by: ArsPoet2789ica [Member] On: November 20, 2009 )





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