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(Ok, first draft, first day, first pages...2000 words...sorry for the formatting, but you can figure it out. =) Her 'thoughts' are in italics on my Word Doc.)


Jessica sat bored in her tenth grade history class, ignoring her teacher and playing on facebook with her iPhone, wishing desperately for something more interesting to happen.

“Jessica, please pay attention.” called the teacher from the front of the room. Jessica looked up and smirked, “yes ma’am.”, the sarcasm dripping from her voice. The moment the teacher went back to the lesson, Jessica was lost again in thought and her ipod.

Jessica thought to herself, How the hell can I get out of my next class…hmm…forge a quick note? Nah, can’t do that. Been busted too many times already. Maybe I should just ditch it and walk off campus. I probably shouldn’t do that either…been picked up for truancy too many times.

I’ve got it! I’ll pick a fight at lunch….make sure I get hit a few times and get myself sent to the infirmary. Of course, I’ll have to whale on the bitch that hit me. Now, whose ass should I kick?

Jessica put down her ipod for a moment, and picked up her pencil. She twirled it absentmindedly in her fingers, her bright green eyes scanning the room. She brushed her long red hair over her ear as her head turned.

I know. The next person that answers the teachers question right will get it. I’ve always hated teachers pets.

The teacher continued her history lesson.

“Next, class, we will cover the dynastic period of the 17thcentury Chinese culture. During this time there was great upheaval as one of the ruling families which had ruled as emperor over China for more than 300 years was overthrown. It could be argued that this family was the high point of Chinese culture, and no person on the planet has had greater power or authority over their people since.”

“Now, students, for the question of the day. Which dynasty am I referring to?”

About four hands around the room shot up. Jessica smirked and shook her head at all those brown nosers. Stupid fools. If only they knew what they were answering.

“Michael”, said the teacher, “What do you think?”

The young boy sat up a little straighter, “The Qing dynasty.”

The teacher shook her head, “Sorry Michael, not quite it.”. Two other hands went down, leaving only one hand raised. The hand belonged to a pretty girl named Stephanie. Her short brown curls always reminded Jessica of Shirley Temple.

She’ll be a good one. I hope she gets it right.

“Yes, Stephanie?”, said the teacher.

“The Ming Dynasty, ma’am.”

Jessica grinned broadly, knowing deep in her heart that Stephanie was right. As the teacher confirmed what Jess already knew, she started planning her strategy on how to start the fight. She debated within herself as to whether the best was way to start something in the food line, or after Stephanie had already sat down. She decided the latter, as it would be more fun in the process.

As the end-of-class bell rang, Jessica grabbed her bookbag and sized up both herself and Stephanie’s outfits, looking for weak points. Jess had been in enough fights at school that she never went into one without a plan. The plan for today included wrapping a fist in those brown curls while the other fist headed for the face. Jess would let the opportunity for being hit back show up when it wanted. She wasn’t terribly worried about Stephanie’s thin frame being able to do any serious damage…in face, she may need to let herself be hit multiple times for any actual damage to be done.

Jessica walked out of the classroom, examining the clothes of both her and her adversary. Jess wore faded blue jeans and a dark red t-shirt with the words “Support abortion?” on the front, and “Baby killer” on the back. In contrast, Stephanie wore bright pink jean cutoffs, and some white frilly blouse-like thing that Jess really couldn’t understand. Jess contemplated giving the boys a show and ripping it in half.

In the school cafeteria, Jess got in line four people behind her target. Jess began to get herself into what she called battle mode. She stopped thinking of her target as a person. This girl in front of her had no name, only blood to be beaten out of her. Jess watched as the other girl got her food, mashed potatoes, corn, mystery meat and a bottle of milk. As her own tray was filled with the same slop, Jess followed her target across the room.

“Mind if I sit here?”, Jess asked.

“Umm…”, Stephanie answered, looking around for help. Being early in the lunch period, she sat alone at the table, with no support from any friends and no real reason to tell Jess no.

“Thanks.”, Jess said as she dropped her plate on the table. She sat down so the two girls could look each other in the eyes.

“I need you to do something for me.”, Jess said.

“Umm…ok.”, Stephanie said. “Whassup?”

“I need you to give me a bloody nose.”, said Jess.

“What? Eww…why?”, replied Steph.

“Because I want to skip the rest of the day, and all my other excuses were too boring.”, said Jess.

“Gross, NO.”, said Steph.

“Do it, or I’ll have to break your nose.”, said Jess.

“Whatever”, said Stephanie as she stood up, and reached down to pick up her tray. As she did so, Jessica quickly tipped over the other girls’ milk, spilling it all over the food.

“Oops.”, said Jess.

“Geez, what a bitch you are.”, said Steph.

Ok, that’s a good enough reason for me, thought Jessica as she stood up. She curled her right hand into a fist, pulled back, and let it fly straight out into Stephanie’s face. Her fist made some contact, but Jess didn’t hear the crunch she wanted to, because Steph had moved backwards just enough to avoid any serious damage.

Jessica grinned as she reached across the table to grab Stephanie’s hair with her first, forcing the girl close to her, seeing eye to eye.

“Come on, bitch. HIT ME”, Jessica said as she punched Stephanie in the shoulder. Stephanie’s shoulder whipped back with the force of the hit, and she yanked her head back against Jessicas grip. With her backwards motion, Stephanie still had hold of her tray table. Using the momentum of the backswing, she swung the tray forwards, hitting Jess in the face with the flat of the tray.

As the whole room went quiet to watch the fight, they all heard th crunching sound as Jessicas nose broke, and the blood started to flow. Her adrenaline kicked in and she grinned broadly.

“Now you’ve done it, bitch”, she shouted as she leapt over the table to tackle Stephanie and bring her to the ground. The two of them wrestled for a moment as the cheers started shouting throughout the room. Fingernails dug into flesh on both sides as the circle formed around the two girls. It wasn’t long, however, before a teacher heard the noise and broke through the ring.

“QUIT IT!”, shouted an authoritative voice. The two girls ignored it, and kept punching at each other. The man reached down and forcibly pulled Jessica off of Stephanie. Due to the broken nose, Stephanie’s pretty pink shirt was now a bloody mess.

“STOP NOW.” The man shouted right into Jessica’s face. She winced at the loud voice, but now that she was back in the ‘now’, she visibly calmed down, shoulders relaxing and fists unclenching.

“Yes, sir.”, she muttered.

“Come with me.”, he commanded to both girls.

Another student stepped forward to help Stephanie up, and the two girls plus teacher walked out of the cafeteria and down the hall. Turning to the right, he entered the school nurses office. He didn’t say much of anything, and just pointed at the two girls and two chairs before he leaned back against the wall with his arms crossed. As the girls sat down, the nurse hurried over to Jessica first, seeing as she was bleeding more.

“Oh, you poor thing.”, said the nurse. “What did you do?”

Jessica grumped, “She hit me with a food tray.”, and jerked a thumb towards Stephanie.

Stephanie sat up straighter in her chair. “You lying little bitch!”, she started, “I only hit you because you swung at me.”

As the nurse stuffed a cotton ball into Jessica’s nose, the teacher against the wall spoke up.

“So you admit you hit her with a food tray?”, he said.

“Well, umm…yeah.”, she said.

“Doesn’t sound like a lie to me, then.”, he said.

“But….well…dammit.”, Stephanie sputtered. She obviously wasn’t used to dealing with authority, or lying, or manipulation. She’d always been too much of a straight arrow to even get into these situations, much less talk her way out of one.

Jessica, however, was well practiced. She began to wince and make painful noises as she touched her ribcage. “Nurse?”, she said, “Could you please check my ribs? They’re awfully tender where I got kicked.”

The nurse looked sharply over at Stephanie. “Kicking? Hitting with a tray? Really, Stephane, I am ashamed to think you would do such a thing. I can hardly believe you would be capable of such atrocity to another human being.”

The nurse fussed over Jessica for a few more minutes, with Jessica wincing at all the right places.

“Please, ma’am.”, said Jessica. “Could I go back to class? It’s really important I don’t miss my English class. We have a test next week.”

“Now, hush, girl, you’re not going anywhere just yet.”, said the nurse as she picked up a jar of band-aids and sat in front of Stephanie. She washed off the fingernail scratches, and began to apply the bandages to the wounds.

Stephanie sat there, dumbfounded. The room fell quiet as the nurse addressed the wounds. When finished, she stood up and had a quiet talk with the teacher that hauled them in there.

“Mr. Johnson, “ she said, “I feel Stephanie is well enough to go back to class, but she could really use a change of clothes. I’m afraid that shirt is useless now.”

The man nodded in agreement. “Yep.”

The nurse continued, “As for Jessica, those ribs seem sore. She should be sent home and have an x-ray done to see if any of her ribs are broken.”
Stephanie raised her hand, and spoke up, “Hey! Wait a minute! That’s so not fair. She picked…”

The nurse cut her off, “You be quiet, young lady. Your next stop is the principals office.”
She turned to Jessica, “Honey, can we call your parents for you?”

Jessica reached her arm back, and winced with the motion. She pulled her iPhone out of her pocket and said, “No thanks, Ma’am. I can call them.”

Knowing there was no-one at home, she dialed her home number and let the voicemail pick up. “Mom?....yeah, it’s me….listen, a girl here at school picked a fight with me…” (Stephanie tried to speak up again, and was immediately shushed by the nurse. “……I’m kinda hurt….the nurse wants you to come get me. Can you do that?”

Jessica put her hand over the mouthpiece and asked the nurse, “How soon should she come?”

The nurse looked a the man, who shrugged. “Your call.”, he said.

The nurse responded, “As soon as she can get here, the better.”

Jessica nodded, and spoke back into the phone. “Yeah, mom. She said as soon as you can….ok…I’ll be waiting out front for you.”

The nurse gave her blessing to Jessica, and wrote out a note for her teachers to excuse her for the rest of the day. Jessica thanked the nurse, and headed out of the building. As she left, Jessica grinned broadly, and straightened her jacket.

Too easy, she thought to herself, I just wish I could have hit that girl a few more times.

As Jessica walked across the grass and down the street away from the school, she had almost a light skip in her step. All traces of any apparent broken ribs left behind her in the nurses office.

Now…she thought...what should I do next?

(alternate scene to get sent home, if I don’t like this one… gets sent to principal..parents are both working more than an hour away…no car, lost license…walk home)

(Chapter two: enter….the alley-fight.)

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The following comments are for "Redemption-Chapter 1"
by scherecwich

i'm diggin the sneaky bitch angle.... but did she break her nose?

( Posted by: roach [Member] On: November 2, 2009 )

thanks, roach. she did break it, I'll make a note to tidy that section up on the re-write (probably mid-month) My goal in the first two weeks is get the story out, and the second two weeks to clean it up, add details (e.g. clothing, etc)

As for the sneaky bitch, I'll let you read the rest as it goes to see if I can play it out correctly, but remember it's titled "Redemption" for a reason. =)

( Posted by: scherecwich [Member] On: November 2, 2009 )

im lovin it... cant wait to see where this goes!!!

( Posted by: roach [Member] On: November 2, 2009 )

@ Steve
I love the goal you've set for yourself. I'm here stressing because I've glossed over so many details and avenues of character and plot development in the work I've done so far. But, I have to keep telling myself it doesn't matter. All I need are 50,000 words of rough draft to hit the NaNoWriMo goal. That's it.

Thanks for joining us, by the way. It makes this a whole lot less lonely!


( Posted by: OchaniLele [Member] On: November 2, 2009 )

good start
Steven, I like the character of Jessica enough to be curious to find out what she's going to do next. The title is a clue but I REALLY want to know what happens in the next chapters:)

Congrats on taking on this challenge.


( Posted by: sandra [Member] On: November 3, 2009 )

I just skimmed this . . .
. . . and then I went back and read this.

Sounds to me like you had some insight into the mind of a bully! Were you one in high school?

No . . . not Steve . . . couldnt have been . . .

But that was incredible. Where is your story going? Is there a foreshadowing of friendship between the two girls? I get the feeling that they will be tight towards the end of your work.


( Posted by: OchaniLele [Member] On: November 3, 2009 )

Glad you guys like the first part...I'm now sitting down to write chap 2. Be prepared for Mr.Toads wild ride...

(ochani, I was not a bully in school, rather I was the one picked on. However, my alter-ego pen-name is Alexander, and he *IS* a bully. The vast majority of his writers are NSFW (not safe for work)

( Posted by: scherecwich [Member] On: November 4, 2009 )

Sorry, I am so late on this. Im really loving the angel of this girl, like roach pointed out. Its so realistic, Im about to read the rest youve written so far.

Mind If I comment each one?
Alrighty then!
Prepare to be applauded :)

( Posted by: HavocTheDemon [Member] On: November 20, 2009 )

Heh..well, I guess I need to get back to adding more chapters! Thanks for the's been a *crazy* month. Thankfully, i've got most of next week off from work...I'm going to try and catch up then.

No worries, though. Even if I fail at NaNo, I'll still continue the story....Jess would kick my ass if I didn't.

( Posted by: scherecwich [Member] On: November 20, 2009 )

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