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Not a rant so much.
I'm finished here. I think.
Not a bone in my body hates you anymore. I don't feel the desire to smite you and yours. DESPITE what you all did to me. I'm... ok.
And for once being ok IS okay with me.

I've never been one to tread water. Whether it be with or against the tides, I've always been moving. While, of course, I'm doing anything BUT treading at the moment. Spiritually, emotionally, I'm okay. I'm treading.
I spoke with a woman that has a mind today.
I asked her out, hesitantly. Because it would be the first time I've asked anyone out since I asked Jennifer Scola at aged 13 for Spaceballs and pizza afterwards! Imagine that! Two marriages, four kids, and never asked a one out. Insane right? They always came to me.
Well. This is symbolic to me. I see signs everwhere, and for those with eyes, truth pierces the veil. They came into my life because I needed them. Rather, what they had for me. One came to lift me up, and destroyed me for life. The next came, and fostered me, and destroyed my soul. Like the phoenix I rise though. NOW, knowing what I know of them, their insecurities, what makes them tick... I can choose to join one in Love. Or not.
It's that simple now. My fear is that my hesitancy in Love would signal defeat to my proposed lover. My encouragment is that she'd recognize the greatness that lies within, and be willing to fight me for me. I'm formidable though.

And she said "Yes!" No shit! I was so excited at the prospect that I forgot the rest of asking someone out. I didn't square away concrete plans, just that she'd go. So, I'm a self-admitted novice at this thing. Because it's always come that easy. All I have ever had to do is sit there. I know why they came. The cage is pleasant to their eye. Which makes me hate them. The speed with which they desired to have me doubles that hatred. There is much more to me than this body, this face!!!
There is a mind within that seeps, but they never like it. They never appreciate that which lies within.
Me?
Picture a combination of a Greek God and a porn star.
With the mind and mouth of Dr. House.
Yes, I'm a bastard. Yes I am a mean prick. But these are defenses. If the fools would see that, and actually try, I just might show them Avalon.


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Comments

The following comments are for "The Phoenix of Avalon"
by Robert Walker

more applesause?
My brother is a very young 60 years old and takes advantage of dating sites. He shared with me some of his feelings and concerns before taking that social route.He doesn't BS on the sites - he pretty much says if your looking for what your ex didn't give you - I'm not that guy. I feel for anyone, male or female, who finds themselves in the dating scene, dragging baggage behind, like a sea anchor. You can't help having a little(or a lot) resentment when a self centered (But oh so justified) other, midstream, decides that a superficial life style change is needed and you are not a part of it. I've been married over thirty years to a remarkable women - one a just barely deserve - and a good relationship can't be about looking good and acquisition, but this is what the 'thrill' society offers as valuable.

Any way - here is my unwanted, and unasked for, terrific, warranted, almost patented, magical, mystical,advice - don't set traps or your worst expectation will be met, take it all as entertainment and have as nice a time as you can, stop looking - you'll find her when you don't care about finding her.

Who knows maybe there is an Athena out there for you - but keep in mind you Olympus types are pretty quirky. ;-)
Bless you my friend.

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: October 26, 2009 )





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