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fairy floss machine
tired midnight in empty carnival
the clown transfigured

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The following comments are for "Haiku: The Carnival Prince"
by tinsoldier

I like this, and I like the imagery you've got here. I don't like the first line. The other two are awesome. I've never been real good with the Haiku's. so take this with a grain of salt, but I think the last two lines create a powerfull image of the carnival after its over. Paper cups and other trash everywhere, the lights are off now, the rides rising black against a blacker sky like skeleton's. The first line just throws it all off for me. It doesnt make sense in my head with the rest. Then again, maybe I have missed the point. LOL, it happens a lot. Either way, thank you for sharing.

"the clown transfigured"

That was my favorite!


( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: October 23, 2009 )

Greetings Dave! I don't like the first line very much myself. I put it there because I had my own string of images in mind when composing this. It was a crucial image to the plot which is not obvious here. But no reason why you should like it if it gets in they way of your association. Thanks for the feedback!

( Posted by: tinsoldier [Member] On: October 23, 2009 )

Is the fairy floss machine talking about cotton candy? If so, I'm totally with you now that I've re-read it.

( Posted by: HeRoCoMpLeX [Member] On: October 23, 2009 )

re: cotton candy
I forgot... Americans call it cotton candy!! Fairy floss is what it is known as here.

( Posted by: tinsoldier [Member] On: October 24, 2009 )

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