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I know I can't use this in my actual attempt at a novel, but this was the only way I could brainstorm. If you feel drawn in by it, drop a note. If I get enough feedback, i'll work on this through november.

The idea is simple, prophecy unfolding, but people don't really understand what it means.... It's a twist on the whole "Left Behind" series, but from the perspective of both christians and non-christians... and im not gonna give away the ending, but i will tell you that its end is only the beginning.....



Carol was wondering if her son was missing too. Her crazy child, always screaming about something or other. He sure wasn't a christian, but still she couldn't get a hold of him. She had called his sister, crying.

"Have you heard from your brother?",
"No, not this week, why mom whats wrong?",
"Have you seen the news?"
"Yeah, a war is breaking out... "
"Thats why I'm so worried. He always talked about a war like this."
"Mom, you know Lee is nuts right?"

She tried to remember what her son had said about a war coming...

"He always talked about going missing."
"He always talks about a lot of things mom."
"Yeah, but since the news this morning so many people have dissappeared."
"What are you talking about?"
"My neighbor's son, the one who reminded me of Lee, left his car at the supermarket and vanished."

She knew her brother was nuts. She knew it. There couldn't be anything to what he said. Lee was always traveling, couldn't seem to find roots anywhere.

"What do you mean missing?"
"She went out looking for him this afternoon, when she got to the market, she saw his car, full of groceries, he had even bought flowers for her."
"He could have gone to another store, right?"
"The ice cream melted on his leather seats, would you go to another store with ice cream in your backseat?"

Now they were both worried.

"Mom, I'll call him until he answers. Theres nothing wrong, you need to relax."
"I can't help it Kat, it's just so errie."
"Whats errie mom?"
"This feels like the rapture, but I don't know any missing christians."
"OK mom, i don't know what your talking about, but now you sound nuts."
"No, Kat, look. The president is taking control of world forces because of this war, now there are lots of people who just dissappeared."
"Mom, I don't know of anybody missing, but were still here."
"Yeah, i know Kat, but it just feels weird, thats all im saying."

A knock came at Kat's door.

"Mom, Rich is here to pick up Nadia, can I call you back?"
"Ok, but try to get a hold of Lee first."
"I will mom, love ya miss ya bye."
"Love ya miss ya bye."

Kat walked the few steps in her small apartment from the couch to the front door. It was Rich.

"Hey Rich."

He was always a jerk. She had Nadia by him when she was younger, and now she was bound to him for life.

"Hey Kat..."

He said, pushing by her to look in thier daughters room.

"Did you hear about Jay?"
"No, what about him"
"He got busted this afternoon."
"What? No way, did you see it?"
"Naw, I just stopped by his place before coming here, his door was busted open, all his computer stuff was destroyed."
"Thats fucked up."

She was starting to wonder...

"Did anybody else get busted?"
"Yeah" he said
"Danny and James both got popped right out on the strip. Some van pulled up and just grabbed them both and sped off, no warrant, no rights, nothing, just suits with dark glasses cuffing them and then its over. It didn't even draw a crowd."

Kat pulled out her phone and dialed Lee.
No answer.

"Did you pack a bag for Nadia?" Rich asked.
"Yeah, its in the closet. The blue one is clothes, the black one is toys and stuff."
"Nice, how long has she been napping?"
"About half an hour, let her sleep another half hour or she'll be nasty all night."

Kat flipped on her little knobbed television.

"I hate HD, you can never get the stations to tune on these old tv's"
"You should get a plasma"
"Ha, like I can afford that. I have two kids to raise, a shitty job and all you do is take one of them every other weekend.... I can barely keep a roof over our heads."
"Well shit girl, you know I could get you one cheap."
"Fuck you Rich"

She turned the nob until it fox news came on the screen clearly.

" and said that the whole world was ready to embrace this new technology, but only if Japan could lead the new order."
"Mike, it looks like the Japanese are actually going to make mechanical soldiers."
"Yes Laura, but the truth of the matter is, we are right they are wrong. Its as simple as that."
"True Mike, and it looks like we are going to have to prove it to them by force."

"Kat, do you believe in the end times?"
"Uh yeah, everything thats happened in my lifetime was prophesied a long ass time ago."
"I'm just gonna wake Nadia up. I gotta do some shit today, and I can't be waiting around for her to sleep. She can sleep in the car."

As Rich went to Nadias room, Kat caught the last bit of newscast before commercials...

"The UN says that this new order will cause an end to centuries of conflicts, and usher in an era of peace, with America at the helm of the almost worldwide reveloution"
"Well Laura, I know everybody is happy to hear that."
"Everybody but the Japanese and Holy Iranian Republic, Mike"
"Well, terrorism is almost dead Laura, and this new treaty will muster the forces needed to end it for good."
"Right Mike, stay tuned... we'll be back."

"If the America people ever allow private banks to control the issuance of their currencies, first by inflation and then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around them will deprive the people of all their prosperity until their children will wake up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered." ~Thomas Jefforson

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The following comments are for "The Day After"
by roach

and so it begins
Good dialogue and the opening scene hooks me. This reads like a movie script to me. You give a lot of information in a 1000 words. My suggestion is to slow down a bit and show more like what's on the television, say a bit about the setting, the appearance or description of characters. You've got 50,000 words to aim for, so spend some time using sensory description.

I think it's very readable and suspenseful. I think it's great you took on this challenge. I look forward to your next day's work!


( Posted by: sandra [Member] On: November 1, 2009 )

@ Roach
We are a NaNoWriMo bunch of fools in this ile, aren't we?

Kate is taking the challenge . . . and so is REBECCA! She signed up here at my house last night.


( Posted by: OchaniLele [Member] On: November 1, 2009 )

I'm guessing you want truthfulness so here goes. I like the theme. The conversations roll smoothly, but as another has already pointed out you should spend time describing it. I've always found that describing smells, and using actual language (even if it's gibberish if that's what my character says and how they say it...) that's the kind of things that suck the reader in because they can completely relate. Like describing old flooring "as though it were installed dirty". You know? A couple gramatical errors etc. Spell check and re-read takes care of that. Bottom line, for me anyways, is that you HAVE the story in your head already. Bang it out, read it as though for the first time from another author. Critique your own works, but don't be too harsh on yourself. Which is stupid because we all are our worst critics. lol BUT I can't describe how it feels to read something you've written and be completely satisfied with it.
Keep it up brother

( Posted by: Robert Walker [Member] On: November 2, 2009 )

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