Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
9

(1 votes)


RatingRated by
9pablowilliams

You must login to vote

You raise your eyebrows
I lower mine
and try not to notice
the bounce in your step
or how the distance you cover
My voice faint
as I sense you closer
Could barely whisper-
Shackles
and Chains...baby...
shackles and chains.


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "Shackles"
by niel3995

Shackles
Everything is good here - word choice and tempo - it just seems to brief. The ideas come and end a bit abruptly - maybe open this one up a little and spend a little more time withe thought threads.

and try not to notice
the bounce in your step
or how the distance you cover (?)
(This just stops - surely more to say here?)

I loved the last three lines - like the refrain in a blues song! ;) Thanks always a good read from you!

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: October 17, 2009 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: