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So. You've decided. You've realized that which I saw many years ago.
Many heartaches ago.
We are not for each other.
Through your tears and your reluctance. The forced hand holding.

I finally coaxed the truth out of you, when this was all I ever asked of you.
The truth. Ever and always.
NOW I do not need to hate you! For I never wanted to, even though your actions demanded it! I can love you again, just in a different way!
You finally realized that you could never fulfill me, nor could I fulfill you and be happy with it. I cannot accept going to work, coming home, being lovey dovey and ignoring the world around us to which our children would inevitably be a part of, in favor of fully concentrating on you! You DO rate such attention, just not from me. At the risk of sounding arrogant, someone who has nothing else to do perhaps... I cannot ignore that which is mortally and plainly before my eyes, but which you refuse to see for fear or loathing.
I realize I'm not long for this world. In studying history you learn of singular people. Good and evil. You learn of Alexandros, but not so much as the name of the man who held the fourth position of row, in his second hoplite company, third battalion of the first army at Gaugamela, nor Tyre.

and no amount of research could yeild the needed results. For while that man either died instantly or fought well through the desert on the way BACK to Babylon, he and his name and those he loved (HIS STORY) are lost to the annals of history. BUT he is a part of it. Anonymously
I, Ma'am, have more to contribute than the average bear. I was blessed with this body, or as I call it "cage". I was blessed with this mind, and teh way I perceive the world around me. I've been made to make the choices I have, the circumstances, and happenstance. The gunfire, the blood, the come, the hatreds......
every bit of it and more to follow.
I hesitate to write it, but... fuck it. I'll make applesauce.
I am to do something great. I AM to affect and have an effect on lives. A goodly many. Not all of humanity (for that would be rather presumptuous or annoyingly arrogant). Just a goodly number.
I will help always, I will teach always, and I WILL Love ... always.
Count yourself special Ma'am because no one could have been you when you were there. You were exactly where you were supposed to be, when you were supposedly to be there. And you were not, when you were not supposed to. Thus my Love, you should not cry. You were not made to love me, nor was I made to love you. The realization of this... I admit did suck, and I too cried. Yes, this stone cold hearted Aquarian prick bastard did cry. I allowed my humanity and my ... heart to dictate that which my body did. I cried....
quoth the Aquarian,
Nevermore.
Now for the not so sappy side of my Love:
Fuck up with those I love more than my life, and I will take them.
I WILL erase every comfort you would consider.
I will indoctrinate you to a life of servitude, but while mine is voluntary
yours would be force-ed.
and if one is not used to such things, one does not grow fond of teh taste,
especially when one is self-centered.

So, Thank you Sayward. I thank you for being a part of my life. I thank you for teaching me that which I needed to learn, and look forward to more education. I thank you my Love, for loving me... when you did.

and I bid you and your love farewell.

Sincerely and Respectfully,
Robert Atticus Walker


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Comments

The following comments are for "Free verse I"
by Robert Walker

Free verse
A cathartic rant - well written and lucid - but perhaps as fruitless as that once un-noted death.It could have been me who wrote this, looking for some reason for the pain and only making applesauce. Thanks for sharing this - I'm moved.
Bless you!

( Posted by: jonpenny [Member] On: October 15, 2009 )





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